


At The Beginning

by FrickingKaos



Series: Nick and Amanda [1]
Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Friends, Drama, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Mild Sexual Content, Physical Abuse, Prom, Romance, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrickingKaos/pseuds/FrickingKaos
Summary: Be·gin·ning - /big2;giniNG/Noun:1. The point in time or space at which something startsAdjective:1. New or inexperiencedWhen Nick and Amanda first met they were fast friends, but as they go into high school, Nick realizes his feelings for her might be something more...





	1. Chapter 1

Beep. beep. beep. 

 

Nick opened his eyes and groaned at his alarm clock, peeking with one eye open, the other buried in his pillow. It was 5 but he wondered if he could get away with sleeping for another hour before....

 

"NICKOLAS!!!" 

 

"All right, I'm up." he mumbled, his hair in disarray as he got up and shuffled to the bathroom. 

"NICK!" 

Nick rolled his eyes as his mother continued to yell. He got dressed first and took the stairs two at a time, finding his mother smoking in the kitchen. 

"Breakfast isn't going to cook itself you know." she snapped at him. 

"Yes, mom." he said with a fake smile. When her back was turned he moved to the fridge to get breakfast ready and rolled his eyes again, he couldn't wait to go to school. 

 

Amanda wasn't really looking forward to her first day at Oceanview High. She was back again after being in New Jersey for five years. All she could think about was how much she wanted her parents to get along so she didn't have to be here again, despite the friends she had made in elementary school. 

"Amanda! Time to get up, honey." Sarah called. Amanda got dressed for school and came down to a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, her aunt sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. 

"Do I have to go to school?" Amanda asked as she ate her toast. 

"Unfortunately you do, sweetie. I'm sure you'll make some friends, and it will work out fine," Sarah told her. Amanda nodded, but the one person she wanted to see had fallen out of touch with her. 

Amanda thought of him often, what he was doing or how he was. She had written him letters but he didn't answer back. He was so interesting to her and she felt some kind of connection when she looked at him. 

Oceanview High School was a big place for her because she'd never been there. It was early and she had to go to the office to get started, but she couldn't find it. As she looked around she came across a boy in front of his locker, he looked to be about 15, her age. 

"Could he be..." she thought. He had blonde hair like the boy she remembered. Then she shook this off because there could be a million others like him. He closed his locker and walked towards her, his arm laden down with books. 

"Excuse me...." 

"Oh...hi." he said, smiling. He had deep blue eyes and small scar lingering over his left eyebrow. He sure looked like the one she was thinking of. 

"Did you need something?" he asked, distracting her. 

"I just thought you looked like someone I knew." Amanda smiled as she blushed slightly. 

"I see." he said. He didn't seem very chatty. 

"Can you tell me where the office is? I'm new here." Amanda asked. The boy was looking at her now the same way she'd looked at him. 

"Is your name Amanda?" 

"How did you-" she wondered. When she looked again, she finally realized. 

"Nick?! I can't believe it. I didn't recognize you at all, I mean you're..." she said, marveling at his height. 

"Tall?" he smirked. 

She could remember the first time they met at ten.....he had been so small then. Amanda and Nick had met five years ago on the playground, when he was being bullied by some kids. They had tricked her into kicking a trash can down the hill, Nick ending up being inside it. He was not that scrawny little boy anymore, he was now almost six feet tall. 

"You've really grown." 

"I eat my vegetables." he joked, blushing again. 

"Well, the office is just down there. Maybe I will see you around." he added. Amanda nodded and went to hug him, but he moved back....blinking as if he were afraid to be touched. 

"See you later, Nick." Amanda whispered as he took off towards class.....wondering why he had acted like that. 

 

"You need help?" a voice asked her after she'd been to the office. She recognized that voice right away, it was just the same as it had been back then. 

"Wow, Amanda is that you?" 

"I see you haven't changed, Brian." she giggled. He was handsome but she remembered the ten year old he was when they met....the kid who beat up the ones bullying Nick. 

"Nah, I just get better with age. Where you headed?" 

"History." 

"Funny, that's where I'm going. I will walk you." Brian said, smiling. They talked long enough to find out he was on the basketball team. 

"The bell rang, how come you're not in class?" Amanda teased.

"I like to be fashionably late. I live dangerously." he said, winking at her.

"You? I will believe it when I see it. Man it's good to be back here again, I missed it."

"Wait until Nick sees you. He wouldn't shut up about you when you left...he really missed you, Amanda." 

"I saw him already. He looks so different we didn't recognize each other....he's so tall." Amanda laughed.

"You wouldn't think it was possible, he eats like a fly." Brian said before stopping himself.

"Why?"

"Nick isn't doing good, Amanda. He doesn't eat during school. I think he's getting sick." Brian told her, the tone of the conversation changing. Amanda suddenly became worried. She hadn't noticed but Nick's clothes hung off of him and he was pale, like he was sick. Now that Brian had mentioned it, she really wondered what was going on.

"He's always been like that but you will see at lunch." Brian explained. The whole morning Amanda thought of Nick and hoped he was really ok. 

Some things could always be answered later.


	2. Chapter 2

Amanda walked to lunch later that day and found Nick sitting there with a French lesson book propped open in front of him, reading intently with his eyebrow length blonde hair falling In his face. 

"Hi, Nick." she said, sitting down with her tray of food.

"Tu es belle." Nick said softly. The words flowed so easily and slid of his tongue, Amanda was definitely impressed but she giggled.

"Excuse me? Nick....I don't speak French." she laughed. He blushed and continued reading.

"Sorry." he mumbled.

 

Brian bounded over to them, patting Nick on the back before tossing his bagged lunch on the table. Nick went back to reading as they talked. 

"Did your mommy make your lunch?" Amanda teased as Brian started eating his baloney and cheese sandwich.

"She wants me to be healthy for basketball. Nick's gonna play next year, aren't you?" he teased, nudging him and causing him to drop his book. Nick blushed redder and picked it up, shaking his head. 

"I didn't know Nick played basketball."

"One of his many talents." Brian joked. Nick suddenly became aware of Amanda staring at him and shook his head again.

"I....I don't think so." Nick stammered. Amanda thought it was cute how shy he was. She and Brian bantered until they heard a funny noise, and Brian glared at Nick.

"You're hungry, aren't you?" 

"What? No....I already...um....I already ate." Nick said. 

"I can hear your stomach growling," Brian continued. Amanda saw how uncomfortable he looked, he definitely looked hungry. She sat there as the two boys bickered, Nick insisting that he'd eaten until she pushed her tray towards him. 

"I can't take that." Nick said, pushing it back. Amanda pushed it again and got up to buy another lunch, leaving him stunned.

"You'd better eat it. She means business." Brian said, taking a bite of his apple and chewing thoughtfully. Nick stared at the slice of pizza, he was hungrier than he let on and wasn't sure what to make of the gesture. Nobody had shared their food with him before. Sure, Brian tried sneaking him sandwiches but he had always refused. 

"It's not going to bite you. Eat it." 

Nick stared hard at Brian and cautiously nibbled at the pizza. It didn't taste the best, but it was better than anything he'd had in a long time.

"Geez, Nick. You act like you've never eaten a pizza before." Amanda commented as she came back. 

"He hasn't." Brian said matter-of-factly. 

"My mom doesn't like me eating junk food." Nick added. 

"She doesn't like you eating at-" Brian started until Nick kicked him under the table. The last thing he wanted was Amanda to find out anything about his mother....he knew he'd be in for it if she smelled pizza on him later. 

"I can't believe you've never had it. That's so weird. We're teenagers, you must have had it sometime." Amanda continued, eyeing the boys strangely. She knew there was something Nick was hiding, but she couldn't put her finger on it. He was wearing a few layers of clothes as well, and this worried her a little. She decided not to push Nick for info right now, but she was glad he at least was eating something. He seemed to feel better. 

 

Nick walked home from school alone because Brian still took his karate lessons, he was brought home by his father. Brian had a very normal family, with a mom and a dad. Nick often wished he could trade places even for one day, to see what being a normal kid was like. Unfortunately, with a mother like his....he didn't have a choice. 

"You're late. Get inside and start your chores before anything else." 

"Hi, mom." Nick smiled as he walked into the house. There was chores to be done of course. Washing, dusting, vacuuming and laundry. Cutting the grass when it needed to be done....and just when he finished all of that there was his homework. He was also responsible for cooking dinner for his mother. 

"Don't even think about sneaking any of it to your room, there isn't enough money to feed both of us. I already made your dinner." 

Nick knew not to expect much. There was half of a peanut butter sandwich waiting....with no jelly. Nope, jelly was too much to ask. He didn't dare to. 

As Nick did his French homework he thought about Amanda. It was wonderful to see her again and he smiled when he thought of her....she had been his first friend and she had even bought him lunch today. 

"Tu es belle..." he whispered. He wished one day he could tell her she was beautiful in english but knew he was too shy to tell her he liked her. The feelings had been there for quite some time and only intensified now that she was back in his life. He took out a notebook from under the floorboards and began to write some words into it....he had been writing some lyrics when he had the urge to do them. Most of them didn't mean anything, but he enjoyed it. 

 

"Nickolas, turn off that goddamn light and go to bed." he heard his mother shout from the hallway. 

"I'm just doing my homework." Nick lied, stowing the notebook away. He turned off the light laid back on the mattress on the floor, not comfortable but it was better than nothing. 

His stomach was hurting, but it wasn't as empty as it usually was....thanks to the pizza. Nick wondered if he could somehow repay her for that lunch, but how could he? He didn't have any money. 

"You'd better be asleep!" 

Nick sighed, tomorrow would be another day. He much preferred school to being home.


	3. Chapter 3

Amanda was slowly getting used to being in her new surroundings and reacquainted with Oceanview. She started to notice Nick never had lunch and often made excuses, his clothes hung loose from his thin frame. Even his face seemed pale and bony. 

She and Nick talked in the mornings, but he never went too close to her, as if he was afraid of her. This didn't make Amanda feel very close, and Brian didn't seem worried much. 

Nick seemed happy but once again, there was something that seemed fake about it. 

"Nick...can I talk to you?" Amanda asked as they walked to lunch. It was then she looked at his face and saw that his skin color didn't seem to match up around his eye. She completely forgot about what she was going to say and looked harder. 

"Sure." he said cautiously, backing away.

"Are you wearing makeup?" she asked. She moved closer and he bumped against the lockers behind him.

Nick felt panicked, how had she found out? He was usually good about covering the bruises. Well, not the ones on his face....and usually there weren't any above his neck. He had just been very unlucky this time. 

"No." he lied, and she saw right through it. She moved in closer and he backed away, hitting the row of lockers behind him. His heart was beating so fast inside his chest as he began to worry she would start questioning. 

"It is. Why are you wearing makeup around your eye?" she wondered. 

"I'm just clumsy. I fell down at home." he told her. Yes, this answer seemed legit to him. Amanda stepped away, disappointed. 

"You don't trust me," she whispered. Nick frowned at her. He was working so hard on keeping everything secret, wearing lots of clothes so nobody knew just how bad off he was, covering the bruises and acting happy. He felt like he was being so fake, but he did it so nobody would worry. 

Unfortunately, Amanda was protective of him so it backfired. He sighed....there was no harm in letting her see his eye. 

"Come here." he said, pulling her into a empty classroom. 

"Nick, I have to get to class." Amanda protested quickly. She didn't feel like dealing with him right now, part of her was hurt because he didn't trust her and she couldn't explain why. For someone who looked so frail, Nick's grip was strong as he led her to the room and closed the door. 

"Can you fix this so nobody else asks me where I got it?" he asked slowly.

"You don't trust me....I don't know if I can help you. What did you do to your eye....really?" Amanda repeated. Again Nick hesitated but he knew if he was going to retain his friendship with her, he needed to be somewhat honest. 

Nick walked over to the sink and wiped off the makeup, revealing a fresh looking black eye, along with several scrapes on his cheek. 

 

"Who did this to you?" Amanda asked, her mouth falling open in surprise. 

"Look. I can't tell you right now but I promise I will one day. It will be soon, I just don't know how to explain anything. Can you please just help me?" he whispered. Amanda looked at him and she could sense a bit of fear. Whatever was going on, she knew he had a good reason not to tell anyone, especially if Brian didn't know. 

"You promise?" 

"I promise." 

 

Amanda took her own foundation and helped cover the eye and scratches, he winced a little but when she was finished, he looked fine. The two of them went to lunch and Nick was still refusing to eat anything. 

 

"I'm really worried about him." Brian said the next day when Nick hadn't shown up to school. 

"Me too, it's not like him to miss school." Amanda agreed. 

Brian didn't say anything, he just sighed as he picked at his lunch, not in the mood to eat. 

 

Nick sat on the basement floor, his arms folded around his knees as he watched a spider building a web in the corner. 

Up, down, across. Zigzag. 

He followed it with his eyes, sighing. He'd been told to stay here until his mother came back from wherever she was....he hoped it wouldn't be too long. It was bad enough he was missing school, but he knew tomorrow he would be back. 

Up, down...up, down...

 

He tore away from watching the spider as his stomach growled...but he knew there was no food down here. He had been in the basement since yesterday and didn't think he could wait until dark this time, which was one of his longer punishments. 

 

Nick got up and went to the basement door....surprisingly it was not closed all the way so he pushed it and it opened. He fell on the floor, but got up and ran outside into the sunlight. Walking quickly, he decided to go to Amanda's and talk to her, thinking about what she'd said about trust. 

Sarah was surprised to see him, she smiled sweetly and allowed him into the house. Nick felt safe here, the house was small but warm. 

"She's upstairs in her room." 

"Thank you." 

"Would you like anything? I can make the two of you a snack if you like." Sarah offered. Nick politely declined and headed up the stairs. 

"Amanda?" 

She opened the door and looked surprised to see him. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she let him in the room. He shut the door behind him. 

"I came to talk to you about some things." he said finally. She offered him a seat and he sat down next to her on the bed. 

"Okay..." 

"You said I didn't trust you.....but there's a reason for why I haven't been eating at school.....why I got the black eye the other day. I didn't fall down like I said I did." Nick started. Amanda looked at him with concern. His eye still looked puffy but there was a new mark on his neck, just above his shirt collar. In fact, Amanda noticed he wore multiple shirts. The heat in Florida was too much to have so many shirts on, so that clued her into thinking something was really wrong. 

"Nick, you look so flushed. Let me get you something to drink." she said, interrupting him. Amanda left the room and return with a bottle of water. 

"Feeling better?" she asked after he'd drank half of it and sighed with content. He nodded with a smile. 

"Now I came here to show you why I've been hiding....but first I must make you promise not to tell anyone. Not even your aunt." 

Amanda sat there, thinking and wondering if she was really ready to hear this. 

She wanted him to trust her, but wasn't sure if this was the right way.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick stood in Amanda's room, feeling incredibly nervous. It wasn't because he was in her room....he didn't want to admit that. However it was more so the fact that he was about to tell her everything he'd been going through for the past ten years. 

Ever since his father had left. He sometimes wondered if his father thought of him, what kind of person he was, or if he was even alive. 

"Nick, what's wrong?" Amanda said once he'd gone silent. He was even trembling and when she moved closer, he backed away again. 

"It's better if I just show you." he whispered. His arms moved down and off came the sweatshirt, slowly over his head before he tossed it aside on the bed. Amanda looked...he had deep cuts on his arms that were healing, but she knew they weren't old. Bruises covered his forearms and shoulders, his neck. Amanda fought the urge to cry out as more layers were removed, and Nick stood in front of her shirtless. 

"This won't be pretty," he had said before the last shirt came off. Amanda felt her eyes water. Nick was almost a skeleton...his ribs and backbone showed prominently. Ugly scars disfigured his back and more bruises, these were fresh. 

"Who....who did this to you?" Amanda asked shakily, her voice breaking. He just looked so frail that she thought if she touched him, he would fall apart. No wonder he had worn all these clothes. He was wasting away. Brian hadn't been kidding when he said Nick was sick. This was worse than anything she could have imagined.

Nick looked at her, his eyes dark and empty. 

"My mother." 

"Your mother?" Amanda repeated. She took a step forward and this time he didn't move. Her hand touched his arm and she could feel the smoothness of his scar on his shoulder, the one that was most noticable. She shivered and stepped back. 

"She punishes me. It doesn't hurt that bad," Nick said finally and Amanda felt the tears spill over. 

"Not that bad?!" 

Nick smiled weakly and began putting the clothes back on. He could feel another dizzy spell but fought it off. Amanda was fully crying now and he felt helpless, he didn't realize how bad he looked until then. He took a step towards her but this time she moved away, afraid of hurting him by touching him. 

"Don't be afraid of me." he said. She kept crying and his first instinct was to hold her. She looked in surprise as his arms wrapped around her....but he felt warm. She was surprised even more by how warm he felt, even though he looked so sickly. 

"Shh. Don't cry for me." 

"Nick-" 

"I'm not crying, so you shouldn't have to. I've dealt with it this long, haven't I?" Nick whispered. She reached around him and embraced him, admiring his strength. In that moment he felt a sensation inside him that he couldn't explain, but he felt safe with Amanda. 

They heard Sarah come to the door and let go. 

"Nick, it's getting late. Would you like to stay for dinner? We're having pasta." she said sweetly. 

"No, thank you. I should probably get going." he told her. Although the house smelled of food and he was hungry, he knew if he stayed he'd get even a longer sentence. 

"I'll walk him out." Amanda said slowly. She and Nick went outside and the two of them were silent. 

"Nick, I'm so sorry for pressuring you but you really need to tell someone what she's doing to you. This isn't healthy." she said once they were on the porch. 

"I have a roof over my head and I don't deal with her at school, I will be okay." he reasoned. Amanda started tearing up, she couldn't bear to think of how sick he looked again. It was just too much to let slip. 

"Please get help. Brian's dad can-" 

"NO. I don't want to go to a foster home....please promise you won't tell Brian or your aunt. You can't tell anyone." Nick whispered frantically. Amanda stood on the step, just looking at him and feeling herself tremble. He was worse than he would admit and she knew he wouldn't last another three years. 

"I don't know." 

"I trust you. If you tell them I don't know if we can be friends anymore. Please respect my request. I don't want to be taken away." Nick told her. Amanda nodded and watched him walk quickly to his house....she ran her hands over her arms and shivered, feeling afraid for him. 

 

As a few days went by there was a bit of a heat wave. The temperatures were above normal for this time of year. 

"Aren't you hot under all that?" Brian asked. Nick was wearing a sweat shirt and two other shirts like usual. His face was flushed but he pretended like nothing was wrong. After lunch he went to his locker and Amanda followed, she wanted to talk to him about the other day....she had thought about it and knew she couldn't sit back and watch anymore.

"Nick?" she called out. He stopped walking but he didn't turn around. Amanda was confused until he swayed and suddenly fell. She ran to him as he collapsed. 

He crashed to the ground and just lay there, Amanda at his side, shaking him gently. His face felt warm. 

"Nick....answer me please..." 

Nick finally stirred after a moment, looking up at her. He was woozy but tried to get up anyway. 

"Maybe you should see the nurse. You're very warm." she suggested. 

"What? No....I can't go to the nurse. I'll be ok." Nick lied. The pain in his stomach came and went again....the toast he had that morning was nowhere near enough food but he figured he could hold out until supper.....if there was any at all. 

Amanda got up and shook her head at him as he took a drink from the water fountain. 

"I don't know if I can keep this secret Nick. You're sick. You need help." 

"I said I'm fine. Don't worry about me. If you were really my friend you would understand....and we can't tell Brian. His father is a cop. Just trust me, please....I will be ok." 

Somehow Amanda didn't think so. 

 

Nick went home from school that day fighting off dizzy spells but managed to get his chores done for the day. 

"I'm not feeling so good. I'm going to bed now." he said. His mother sat in the living room with a glass of wine, not looking at him.

"Your chores better be finished." she snapped.

"They are. Goodnight." Nick said, although he didn't feel that she deserved anything. As he fell asleep that night, he wondered if he would ever get away. He wondered how much longer he could hold out, and maybe Amanda was right. 

He knew it wasn't gonna go on like this forever, something had to change.

Nick just wondered how he could do that.


	5. Chapter 5

Nick woke up early to see his mother standing over him.

"Why are you still in bed? I've been calling you." 

"Sorry. I'm not feeling well." Nick whispered. His mother drew a breath and then bent down before grabbing him by the wrist. 

"I'm awake....please...." he cried as she dragged him across the room to the bathroom across the hall. 

"Get in the fucking shower and get ready for school. That's the least you can do since you didn't make my breakfast, you ungrateful brat." she said as he fell into the bathtub. He could hear his arm impact with the porcelain tub and he winced, he knew something happened to it. 

He felt pain in his arm all day and kept it balanced carefully on the desk to make sure it was elevated....but he knew he couldn't hide it during lunch. Brian had snuck him a ham and cheese sandwich again, this time he ate it to placate him and Amanda. 

 

Amanda noticed Nick's arm....he kept adjusting and rubbing at it during lunch as they all talked. 

"Nick, let me see your arm. What's wrong with it?" she asked, nibbling at a french fry. Nick stared at her, she could see his eyes searching. 

"Nothing's wrong with it. I just bumped it during gym class." he said softly. Brian rolled his eyes. 

"Are you being serious right now? Nick, you can't keep lying all the time. Just let her see it." he snapped. Amanda didn't wait for Nick to okay it, she got up and walked to where he was sitting, taking the empty chair next to him. 

Pulling back his sleeve, it didn't take her very long to determine that his arm was broken and had already begun to bruise...not to mention the new scrapes. This injury had to have happened recently. 

"We should go to the nurse, Nick. It's broken..." 

"No....please. She'll send me to the hospital." he said tearfully. Amanda felt bad but at the same time, she didn't want to subject Nick to any more treatment from his mother. Obviously things were worse than she thought they were. 

"Nick stop being so damn stubborn." Brian hissed. Amanda shushed him and after some gentle pleading, Nick finally agreed to go see the nurse. She examined him and then shook her head. 

"I'm afraid we have to call an ambulance. He's dehydrated and his arm is definitely broken. I can't allow him back to class. Carter needs a doctor." Nurse Grayson said. She was an older woman but very kind to the students. 

"I need to call his mother." 

At the sound of his mother Nick lost it and began crying. He knew what she would do if she found out he'd run to the nurse. 

"NO!" he shouted, trying to get up. 

"Now, now. Just lay back and rest until they get here. No need to fret." 

 

Amanda knew how frightened he was so she offered to stay with him. 

"They're gonna find out everything, Amanda. What am I going to do? I'm dead when she gets hold of me." he muttered as he wiped his eyes with his good hand. She placed her hand over his, her thumb stroking gently to calm him. 

"Just tell them what you told me. Tell them you got hurt in gym. I don't like you lying but do what you must." she said. Nick nodded and eventually the paramedics came, but he began to cry again as they put him on the stretcher. The paramedics tried to calm him but nothing was working. 

"May I go along?" Amanda asked. She explained to the paramedic that she wouldn't get in the way and she could also keep Nick calm on the way to the hospital, so they agreed. 

That's when the waiting began. Nick was taken in to be examined and she had to sit in the waiting room....feeling nervous for him. How would he handle all of this? Nick wasn't very good at lying, how would he fool a bunch of trained doctors and nurses? 

After what seemed like forever, Brian came by the waiting room and sat next to her. 

"How you holding up?" he asked tentatively, and she looked up at him, her eyes moist. 

"How am I supposed to feel, Brian? Nick's not doing good. He told me not to tell anyone....but he's really sick. His mother hurts him...a lot." she replied. He didn't reply but he just held her and let her cry on his shoulder. 

After a while, they broke apart and went to see where Nick was, he was in a room and being kept overnight.

"The doctors said I'm really dehydrated, malnourished and need to rest. They also want to keep me here for observation." Nick said once they'd gotten his room number and went to visit. Brian had stopped by the gift shop downstairs and got him a card. Amanda and Brian had both signed it, she had chipped in for some small flowers. Nick smiled at the gesture, ignoring a tray of food sitting in front of him. 

"Did they say anything else?" Amanda asked. She saw Brian's eyes traveling to the scars on Nick's arm. 

"Not really." Nick shrugged.

"You should eat that. If you're malnourished you need food." she added. Nick closed his eyes, his body tensing up. 

"I....I can't..." 

"Nick you can eat it, she isn't here-" Brian started before they heard footsteps. Heels clicked on the tiled floor and Jane Carter entered the room, her eyes cold and angry. 

"I specifically told you NOT to talk to the nurse at school. You deliberately disobeyed me." she hissed without so much as a hello. 

"Mom, I-"

"I didn't say you could speak." 

Amanda and Brian watched in shock as Nick was belittled in front of them by his own mother. His eyes were swimming when she finished. 

"You might want to eat that, Nickolas. That's the last meal you'll ever have." 

Nick's face was pure terror.

"Don't talk to him like that!" Amanda shouted before she could stop herself. Jane turned to her, laughing. She shoved past, nearly knocking her to the floor. 

"Hey! Don't touch her!" Nick shouted. Jane's face turned stony and she leaned an inch from his, he was shaking. 

"So these are the friends filling your head with lies. I will make sure you never see any of them again, so help me god. You won't see the light of day when I'm done with you." she hissed.  
Nick actually whimpered and she finally left. 

"What a bitch." Brian said softly. Nick started crying after a few minutes and Amanda's first instinct was to hold him. This time he didn't retract. 

"We need to do something to stop her." Brian added after a few minutes.

"He's safe here. As long as he is in this hospital he can't be touched." Amanda replied with a smile. Nick smiled weakly and nodded. 

"For now." he muttered. Nick knew he wouldn't be there long....he just feared what would happen when his mother did get him home.


	6. Chapter 6

Brian went to go see Nick the next day, which was Saturday....but Nick wasn't there anymore. He'd been taken home. Hurrying as fast as he could, Brian went to find Amanda. 

"What's wrong, Brian?" 

"That bitch took him out....Nick's not at the hospital anymore." he said bitterly through his teeth. 

"Oh god. Brian, she's gonna kill him. I think she meant what she said in his room. We need to tell someone." Amanda whispered. She kept thinking of how scared Nick looked and couldn't bear to think of anything happening to him. 

"I think you're right, but she's lied to the hospital about Nick already. We need proof she's hurting him." 

"How are we gonna do that?" Amanda asked. Brian took her by the hand and they ran towards his house. 

"Come on, I got an idea but we also need to talk to my dad after, he's a police officer." 

 

Nick knew it was all over when his mother had shown up to collect him from the hospital. He'd been silent and so had she until they got home, his arm in a sling, a cast protecting it. 

"Did you think you would get away with this, you piece of shit?" she screamed, throwing a chair out of her way as she advanced on a trembling Nick in front of her. He backed away and tripped, falling down. She took the opportunity to grab him by his hair, pulling violently as he cried out. 

"Mom....please..." he begged, his face twisted in pain. 

"WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM?" she yelled. Her hand came across his face swiftly. 

"Nothing! I swear, I said-" 

SLAP. 

She kicked him in the side and dragged him across the floor as he struggled. Nick begged for her to stop but she quickly silenced him. He knew his lip was bleeding but couldn't do anything about it. He managed to get away from her and crawled towards the door, but another kick in his side rendered him helpless. 

"You're going downstairs." she growled, dragging him again. Nick was trying not to hurt his broken arm any further. He begged again for her to stop, but once more he was ignored. 

 

Amanda and Brian watched as Nick was dragged across the kitchen. When she began to hit him again, Brian set the camera down to wipe his eyes. 

"Brian, we got enough. GO!" she yelled. Brian took off running and found his dad in the driveway at home. Harold was the police captain. 

"Where's the fire, son?" 

"Dad, Nick's in trouble. Come on!" 

 

Amanda watched helplessly as Nick was struck again and again...until she heard sirens. Nick's mother didn't let it faze her. From where Amanda was sitting she could see his nose bleeding, at least she thought it was from his nose. 

"Hang on, Nick. Just a little longer." 

 

The police arrived not long after and took Jane out of the house, her kicking and screaming to be released as an officer stayed with Nick until paramedics arrived. Amanda was allowed to go in and he lay crumpled on the floor, drowning in his sobs. 

"Shhh. Come here..." Amanda said. At first he hesitated, but Nick allowed her to hold him and he buried his face in her shirt, sobbing. 

"What's going to happen to me?" he whispered, his tear filled eyes staring into hers. She just held him and didn't answer, as the paramedics arrived and took him to the hospital. Brian's father drove them over and she could see Brian near tears himself. 

"Buck up, Brian. If you're going to be an officer like me, you need to get used to this. We don't cry.....that shows weakness." 

Brian was silent, he just looked down at his feet. Nick was finally in his room after a few hours, the hospital keeping him for observation. He didn't have any major injuries, just a lot of bruising and cuts. 

"Hey, buddy. Looking better already." Brian said as they went into the room. Nick still looked quite pale but he smiled when he saw his friends. There was a tray of food left unattended like before. Amanda felt bad for him, even though he wasn't with her anymore...Nick was so used to eating very little. There was only half a sandwich on the plate but everything else was left.

"Where am I going to go?" Nick asked, breaking the silence. Brian and Amanda looked at each other, trying to think of something to say. 

"What do you mean, Nick?"

"I have nowhere to go. I can't go back home....I have no other family that I know of. I don't want to go to a orphanage." Nick whispered shakily. Amanda wished her aunt would take him in, but Brian spoke up.

"My dad will take care of it, Nick. Don't worry. I'm sure he's looking into it right now." he said. 

"You should eat something. Get your strength back." Amanda suggested with a smile. 

"I'm not hungry right now. Just tired." Nick said. Amanda and Brian left Nick even though she didn't want to, she wanted to stay with him. 

"I'm used to being alone, it's okay." Nick assured them. 

 

"Brian, is your dad really looking into finding somewhere for Nick to go?" Amanda asked when they went out to his father's car. 

"He's talking to my mom, but Nick might come stay with us so he can still go to our school. We'll know by the time Nick is ready to come home from the hospital." 

Amanda got into Harold's car, hoping things would turn out for the best. She didn't know why....but part of her would be heartbroken if Nick went to a foster home. Amanda wasn't sure of this feeling but she cared for Nick more than she would a normal friend. 

She guessed more would come to light as time went by.


	7. Chapter 7

"This one is supposed to be released later today." 

Nick opened his eyes when he heard the doctor's voices outside of his room, he slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It was Saturday. 

Released? Where was the question. Nick didn't have many belongings but a few clothes and his school things...along with the beaten up looking backpack. He wondered where he would go once he was let out of the hospital briefly as the nurse brought him breakfast. 

"I'm not supposed to do this, but I snuck you an extra orange juice, dear. You'll need all the food you can get." the older woman said sweetly. Nick smiled at her, she had been very kind to him. 

"Th-thanks." 

"I hope you'll be all right. Wish I could adopt you myself. You're a nice boy." she added before leaving the room. Nick felt safe with her but he didn't like the idea of being adopted. He looked at the plate of eggs and took a bite, but they tasted like cardboard and he only had a few swallows. The orange juice tasted much better so he had that instead.

When breakfast had been taken away by the afternoon nurse, Nick really wondered if anyone was coming to get him. He even thought about his father....but he'd run off when he was five. Nick didn't know if he was alive or dead, or if he was looking for him. 

"It'll be time to go soon, you should get dressed." the afternoon nurse said. Most of the nurses liked him because he was quiet and polite, remembering to say thank you when they brought food or came to check on him. 

"I- I don't have anywhere to go." Nick whispered, rubbing at his arm where the IV line had been. The nurse lowered the bars so he could get out of bed. When he was done changing, Nick saw Brian and his dad were waiting for him. 

 

"Hey, Nick." 

"What's going on? I'm not in trouble, am I?" Nick asked, wondering why Brian's father was there. He rarely saw him because he was usually busy down at the station. 

"No, son. You're coming to stay with us." Harold said warmly. 

"I am?" 

"Yeah, you are. My mom and dad said it's cool. Ya know, so you can still go to school with us." Brian replied. Nick had a grin on his face as they drove to Brian's parent's house. They gave him his own room and to Nick's surprise, his own bed. 

"I have a bed?" Nick asked, looking at Harold. 

"Yeah, why wouldn't you?" Harold said, chuckling. Nick wasn't sure what to make of the room as he set down his backpack. Everything he owned was inside, not to mention the garbage bag of a few clothes. He had very few possessions to begin with, so having a bed......a real bed- was a HUGE deal. 

 

Nick kept to his room for most of the day but didn't sleep, instead he wrote in his notebook. A while later, someone knocked on the door and Nick opened it....Brian's mother was standing there. She wore a apron and a smile on her face as she eased her way into the room.

"Hello, Nick. I'm Jackie..."

Nick just stared. She held a plate of chocolate chip cookies in her hand, fresh ones. Nick closed his eyes and smelled them, he felt his mouth water. 

"Normally we don't allow sweets before dinner, but I wanted to make you feel welcome. Would you like some?" she asked sweetly. Nick stared at her again, harder this time. When she got too close he backed away, trembling. 

"I'm not going to hurt you, dear." she said, but Nick wouldn't go near her. She set the plate down and walked back by the door again, leaving Nick alone with the cookies as a peace offering.

 

She was disappointed to see later on that Nick didn't touch a single one, nor would he come to dinner. 

"I'm worried for the boy, Harold. He has to eat. He's so thin." 

Brian heard them talking and knew it was about Nick as soon as he went into the kitchen. 

"I know, honey. He's been through a lot. Just give him time." 

 

Brian went upstairs where he heard Nick's voice....he was crying. He walked to the door of his room and poked his head inside. 

"Nick?" 

He called him again but didn't see Nick anywhere until he opened the closet. 

"What are you doing here?" Brian asked, raising his eyebrow. Nick's room was nice and the bed was comfortable, why would he choose the closet? He sat on the floor in the small space, his head buried in his knees. 

"I....I can't stay h-here. I want to go h-home." he sobbed. Brian knelt down and reached for him but Nick backed away, well as much as he could. 

"Come on, Nick. Please come out of there. My parents are letting you live here now. You can't go back." he whispered. 

"I don't belong here..." Nick cried, more tears spilling. After some careful coaxing, Brian finally managed to get Nick out of the closet. He went downstairs and got a night light for Nick's room, which made Nick a bit more comfortable. After doing all of this, he felt very tired as it was getting late. 

"I'm sorry for this, Brian. I just don't know if I can live here with you. I'm not like your family. I saw the way your mother looked at me like a wounded animal. I don't want pity." 

"Nick, I understand. Believe me- I do....but you can't shove everyone away that wants to help you. You did it to my mom, to me....even Amanda. Stop being so proud. We all need help sometimes." Brian told him. Nick nodded but he still didn't feel like he belonged at the Littrell's. 

"You don't understand, Brian. You think you do, but you don't." Nick said before he laid down on the bed. He was not used to sleeping in a bed but would have to make do. Brian headed for the door and Nick called to him just before he closed it. 

"Don't close it please." he begged. Brian nodded and went down to his room next door, thinking that this would be a trying process....but there had to be some way to help Nick. He was still afraid of people....and they would have to work on that together. 

He just hoped it would be sooner rather than later.


	8. Chapter 8

When Amanda went back to school Monday, she looked for Nick in the lobby but didn't see him. 

"Hey, you." Brian said when they met up for lunch. He looked stressed and tired from dealing with Nick all weekend. 

"Wow, you look exhausted." Amanda pointed out, closing her locker. 

"Nick's staying with us, but I guess my parents didn't realize he'd be such a handful. He won't go near my mother, he won't look at my father and he spends most of his time in his bedroom closet crying. He won't even eat, Amanda. My mom brought him cookies and he didn't touch a single one. He went to bed hungry." Brian explained. He continued on after that, telling her how Nick pushed him. 

"You have to understand he is going through quite a bit, Brian. Think about it....he has never been away from home and your house is strange to him. Maybe he needs time to adjust." she said, shrugging. Brian nodded and they headed for class. 

"Okay, but we still can't get him to eat anything more than a few nibbles or half of a sandwich. He refuses everything." 

"I don't like this idea, but why don't you try reverse psychology? When he won't eat, tell him if he doesn't he'll be in trouble. Your mom has to put her foot down but not like HER." Amanda suggested. Brian stared at her but nodded after a bit. He hadn't thought of this before. That afternoon when he and Nick came home from school, his mother was already cooking supper. 

"How was school today, honey?" Jackie asked. Before Brian could answer they heard the door to Nick's room slam shut. 

"It was okay. Nick and I didn't see each other much.....he was in the library at lunch again." he said, hopping up on the stool next to the counter. 

"I wish we could get him to eat. He's so thin." Jackie said, peeling the carrots. 

"Amanda suggested we use reverse psychology but I was thinking....if that doesn't work, maybe let him help cook? He was used to doing all of the chores back home....and now he just sits up in his room moping." Brian told her, as he ate an apple from the basket on the counter. 

"I feel bad making him do anything. We don't make you do chores, I don't want him to think he's being punished." Jackie mused. 

"It's just a suggestion, Ma. I know you want things to work out just as much as me and Dad. Nick will be okay." 

 

Jackie smiled as she put together the roast chicken, she was really proud of her son for being so wise. 

 

Nick sat up in his room, tipping his books out onto the bed and starting his homework. He knew Brian's parents would want it finished before supper was ready, even though he wouldn't get any of it....and his stomach was hurting. He had skipped lunch again although his body yelled at him, but Nick felt that he should still obey his mother. He wondered if he kept doing as he was supposed to....if he would be allowed to go back home. Brian's family was nice, but Nick knew he'd never fit in. The house was too clean, and he felt useless without any cooking or cleaning to do. 

Nick spent his free time writing more poems. He hummed melodies to himself as he wrote....hoping one day he could read them for Amanda, who he considered to be most of his inspiration. He sang a little bit of the tune whenever a line seemed completed. His voice wasn't bad but Nick knew it needed work and he liked having a secret talent. 

"Nick?" Brian's voice came from the hallway. Nick shoved the notebook under his math book and pretended to study, laying on the bed with his feet up in the air behind him. 

"Yeah?" he called back. Brian opened the door and came inside, smiling. 

"Mom says dinner will be ready in an hour." he said. 

Nick frowned, that woman downstairs would never be his mother. 

"Okay."

 

A little while later Nick finished his homework and wandered downstairs, smelling the garlic wafting from the kitchen. He felt his mouth water right away, Jackie was a great cook. Nick had never smelled anything so tempting.

"Hi," she said sweetly, noticing him in the doorway. It was the first time he'd actually somewhat approached her since he moved into the house, and she treated him like he was a deer wandering through the yard....deciding to let him come to her. They were in silence for quite a while until Nick took a few steps into the kitchen. 

"Th-that smells good." he said. She turned around in surprise, he was standing near the table, looking at his feet. 

"You like to cook? I can teach you." Jackie offered. He smiled at her and stepped forward again. 

"I kind of know how but I don't know what that is you're making." he replied. He moved to the counter and saw two whole chickens in the pan, they werent ready yet but they smelled of garlic and butter. The stove was full of various pots and pans, all with water but not turned on yet. 

"Garlic chicken. The chicken is ready to go back in the oven but you could help me with the vegetables if you like. You don't have to." 

They looked at each other for a few minutes and Nick nodded, taking the carrots and beginning to peel them. He then peeled potatoes and helped cut them up. Jackie was pleased that she'd somewhat broken the barrier Nick had placed in front of himself. 

"Did you help your mom cook back at home?" she asked softly when they had put the vegetables on the stove to start cooking. 

"I cooked the meals but I never got to taste any of it." he mumbled shyly. 

"Well, sweetie....you won't have to worry about that here. You are always welcome to help me do the cooking and you can also help eat it." she told him. Nick managed a weak smile and he felt a bit relieved. He felt something while he helped Brian's mother in the kitchen....a safe feeling that wasn't there before. 

 

Brian's father came home from work just as supper was finished cooking at about six o'clock. Harold seemed surprised at Nick helping Brian setting the table, but he liked to see him trying to get along. 

"What brought this change about?" he whispered just before they ate.

"Thank your son. He's either going to be a fine police officer or a diplomat." Jackie said, kissing him on the cheek. 

Nick didn't mind eating that night as he ignored his mother's protests in the back of his mind. He felt somewhat at home and she couldn't control him here. 

At least he didn't think she could anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

A few months had gone by since Nick was taken from his mother, and he was becoming more comfortable being with the Littrell's. Christmas was just around the corner and Nick was treating it like any other day. 

"Dude, you're not excited about presents? Every kid loves presents." Brian commented when they walked to the park to play some basketball. Nick was starting to show interest in things other than studying, with Brian's encouragement. 

"I just wish Amanda was back. I miss her." Nick muttered. 

"You like her, don't you?" Brian smirked, tossing him the ball. Nick blushed as he caught it...he hadn't admitted this to anyone, not even himself that he was attracted to her. 

"Kind of." he shrugged thoughtfully.

"You should have told her before she left...."

"No way. I don't want to compromise our friendship like that. Besides, she's up in New Jersey....and I am...well, I'm stuck here." 

 

Brian and Nick started shooting around for a bit before taking a break. 

"Don't think like that, Nick. She's gonna come back. She just had to go home and take care of some stuff. You'll see her again." Brian reassured him as he nodded. 

"I guess." Nick agreed.

"So what do you want for Christmas....besides Amanda?" Brian winked, grinning. 

Nick shoved him playfully and they laughed. Brian was surprised, he was getting stronger every day, his muscles were toning up from playing basketball. Not to mention, Jackie was making sure he didn't go hungry. Nick was still skinny but he didn't look so gangly anymore. 

"I told you, I don't know. I've never had a real Christmas. My mom and I never celebrated....I've never even had a Christmas tree." Nick replied. For as long as he could remember, Christmas was an unknown holiday at the Carter house, ever since he was five....before his father left. 

"You're in for a treat. We are going to Kentucky to see my cousin's family. You'll love it." Brian beamed. Nick smiled, but somehow he didn't think the trip would go so well. 

 

Nick was quiet during the trip to Kentucky, it took almost half a day to drive there, the family stopping here and there for rest breaks. He liked seeing the world outside of Florida, it was definitely a nice change. During the car ride Nick watched the world pass by as he wrote in his notebook, writing whatever came to mind. 

"What are you writing?" Brian asked, peering over at it. Nick held it against his chest so he couldn't see. 

"Stuff." he shrugged, blushing. Brian managed to wrestle the notebook away and he looked at it for a bit, flipping through the pages. 

"I didn't know you wrote poetry." Brian whispered. Nick stole the notebook back and stuffed it into his bag, feeling embarrassed. Nobody was supposed to see the songs he'd been working on. 

"It's just a hobby." he said, shrugging again and flipping his blonde bangs out of his eyes. His hair was getting long, hanging just below his eyelashes. 

 

Nick didn't feel that he was particularly good at anything but cleaning and cooking. He worried often what would happen once he graduated from high school. He knew his grades would carry him to college but deep down, Nick knew that bigger things were waiting...he just wasn't sure what they were. He hoped they included Amanda at the very least. As they neared Lexington, Nick wondered if she was thinking of him, like he was of her. 

 

"We're here." Brian said suddenly, nudging him. They all went into the house where everyone greeted each other, Nick stood off to the side awkwardly. 

"You didn't tell us you were bringing someone with you, Harold." 

"I'm sorry Jerald. We tried calling before we left but nobody answered. This is Nick, he lives with us and we couldn't leave him alone for the holidays." Brian's father explained. Brian's uncle looked at Nick as if he were a stray cat that had wandered in....he didn't feel welcome. 

"We don't really have room for him." the woman next to Jerald said. She looked at him the same way. Nick looked down at his feet, blushing. Ann and Jerald had three sons, but the youngest introduced himself as Kevin. The older two didn't seem to be around. 

"He can stay in my room." Brian smiled brightly. As the day went, Nick felt more and more awkward. The Richardsons lived on a farm and owned horses, but Nick mostly sat on the porch reading. 

"There's something wrong with a boy that only wants to read. The other kids are playing football outside." he heard Jerald say. 

Nick didn't like the comments everyone was making so he kept to himself. 

On Christmas Eve Nick was feeling more lonely than ever, and he decided to stop hiding in his room...so he came out to spend time with the others. 

"Well....hello there." Ann said as he walked into the kitchen. She wasn't anything like Jackie, this kitchen didn't feel welcoming. 

"I thought maybe you'd like some help." he said timidly. 

"Boys don't belong in the kitchen. I don't want anything ruined. You'll just get in the way." she snapped. Nick went to find the boys who were outside. 

"Brian?" he called. They were hovering around a tractor that Jerald seemed to be fixing. Brian and Kevin weren't anywhere to be found.

"I am telling you Harold. That boy is just a burden on your family...you can't afford another mouth to feed. If it were me he'd be in an orphanage. There's something wrong with him."  
Jerald said.

"He is a lot to handle but he really needs a family right now. If you'd just get to know him..." Brian's father replied. 

"He won't be our family, I can tell you that right now. Why can't he be more like Brian? Brian's a good kid. This one seems like nothing but trouble." 

"Nick is fine the way he is, we only took him in because Brian wanted us to." Harold said. The two men looked up to see Nick standing there, tears swimming in his eyes. Harold looked horrified, but Jerald had no emotion as Nick turned and ran for the barn, somewhere he'd been hiding.

"Nobody will ever accept or love you..." he heard his mother's voice tell him as he fell into the hay in the barn and cried. He wanted nothing more to disappear....to make sure he'd never be a burden to anyone again. 

His mother was right.


	10. Chapter 10

"Nick!!!" 

 

"Nick, you out here?" 

 

He could hear them calling but he wouldn't come out of the barn. He lay practically under the haystack where Brian and his father couldn't find him. It was time for lunch but Nick didn't want to come out. Christmas Eve was here but Nick didn't want to be with any of them....he was just a burden, he would only get in the way. 

Once they'd left he emerged from the haystack and brushed himself off, setting down the book he'd been reading. A noise startled him and he noticed the horses. A brown one with a white spot on it's nose was nearest to him. 

"I didn't know anyone was here." Nick whispered. He took a step forward and all of a sudden the horse reared, Nick falling back in surprise. Several more whinnies came from the back of the barn, they all started to run towards him. 

"No....stop!" Nick shouted, but he fell down as they charged. He lay on the ground as the animals came at him, covering his head with his hands. Nick didn't move, his heart beating quickly as he feared something else would happen....until he heard footsteps. Someone grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him up. 

"What did you think you were doing in here, boy?" Jerald growled at him, holding him by his collar. 

"I....I'm s-sorry...b-but..." 

"But nothing. I knew you were nothing but trouble the minute I saw you. You're useless! Now I have to round up the goddamn horses before they get away." Jerald snapped, his hand raised over him. Nick flinched, bracing for what was coming next. 

"PUT HIM DOWN!" Harold yelled, running over. Nick was shaking and Jerald threw him to the ground, glaring. 

"I don't want him here. He riled up all of my best horses...."

"That is not a reason to lay your hands on him, and you know it. Damn it, Jerald. I told you why he came to live with us-" Harold started until Nick stood up, shaking still.

"You....you TOLD him?" he said. Harold looked at him in remorse, he hadn't meant to fight in front of Nick. 

"Did it ever occur to you that the boy was punished for a reason? He is a troublemaker. Some kids deserve to get beat once in a while." 

"Why, you-" 

That had done it. Harold jumped on Jerald and pretty soon the whole family was outside, caught up in the scuffle. Nick stood and watched in disbelief, Jackie and Ann begging their husbands to break it up as they rushed the kids back inside. 

"I told you he'd get in the way. Ruining our Christmas." Ann muttered. 

"You were right, Ma. Something isn't right with that kid." Kevin agreed, shaking his head. Nick just looked at his feet the whole time, shuffling into the house. Jerald and Harold wouldn't talk the rest of the night and Nick kept to himself, fighting off tears. 

"Nick, don't mind them. The grownups are just cranky..." Brian offered, but Nick ignored him, burying his head in his knees. 

"They're right." he whispered. 

"No they aren't. They don't know you like Amanda and I know you....you're awesome. You're my best friend." 

"You're just biased." 

"But-" 

"Just go away. I'm better off alone. I want to go home....MY home. I've ruined your Christmas, I'm sure you feel the way they do. You just don't know it yet." Nick snapped. 

Brian put his head down and just walked away, leaving Nick to his thoughts as the tears came again. 

 

Harold made them all leave before Christmas Eve supper was on the table. Nick didn't speak to anyone other than half mumbling he was sorry for ruining Christmas. 

"You didn't do anything wrong, sweetie." Jackie told him kindly, moving to hug him, but Nick pulled away and just shuffled to the car. When they finally got home he went to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. 

 

"I know it isn't Nick's fault, but he could have tried to get along with them." Harold said wearily. Nick could hear them talking, he pressed his ear to the closed door. 

"They didn't give him a chance. He really is a nice boy." Jackie protested as Nick smiled. 

"He needs to be more like Brian. Brian never had trouble fitting in with anyone.....and what is he going to do after high school? He's not staying with us forever, Jackie." 

Nick had heard enough. He knew he was a burden and everything had just confirmed it....

"No one will ever love you." 

Nick flinched the voice away and went to the bed, pulling the covers over himself and breathing deeply to calm himself down. 

Christmas was uneventful, Nick stayed in his room, not even coming out to have turkey. He'd never had turkey before but didn't want to bother anyone. He would just get in the way like he always did. 

"Nick? Are you at least coming to open presents?" Brian called as he knocked. Nick lay in bed and just ignored him, wiping his eyes. He heard Brian walk away and fell asleep, wishing he would just disappear. He knew everyone would be better off, he just wished for a way he could do it. 

 

Later that night, Nick got up to use the bathroom and nearly tripped over the box by the door....it was a christmas gift....from Brian. The box was wrapped in Star Wars gift wrap and Nick smiled at it although he didn't know what it was. Opening it carefully, he found a cell phone. 

"You can keep in touch with Amanda easier with this. Thought you could use it." Brian said suddenly. Nick looked up at him, smiling. 

"This is the only gift I've ever gotten." he whispered. 

"I couldn't think of anything else, really." Brian smirked.

"Liar." Nick chuckled. Brian was never good at telling lies. 

"Merry Christmas." Brian said. The two of them exchanged looks and Brian went back to his room, leaving Nick with the cell phone. 

 

Nick spent the next few weeks teaching himself to text Amanda, he seemed happier keeping in touch with her. Brian liked to see a smile on his friend's face for a bit. 

 

Little did he know this reprieve for Nick wouldn't last very long.


	11. Chapter 11

Nick had spent the last two months thinking things over. He'd tried pushing everyone away, but the Littrells seemed more adamant about being a family than they were before. Brian was particularly smothering, trying to take him to play basketball or the arcade. Nick had passed his driving test but neither he or Brian had a car. Nick wished he could just drive away, anything would be better than here.

They were trying to change him, and Nick saw right through it. Brian's father talked to him several times about colleges and even took him to a career fair, but Nick wasn't interested. He just felt like it was another way to change him or get rid of him after high school finished. 

 

"Nick, come on.... we're going to church soon. Why aren't you ready?" Brian said, poking his head in the door. He was surprised to see Nick packing his backpack and a duffel bag, stuffing clothes into it. 

"I'm not going." he snapped, zipping the bag....his eyes cold and empty.

"You should go. I think it would be good for you." Brian smiled hopefully. 

"Good for me? Or good for your family, Brian? It's pointless anyway. God has done nothing but punish me. Why should I believe in anything?" Nick said, pushing past him. Brian's mouth fell open in shock as Nick continued. 

"You have a good home here. Where are you gonna go? Nick!!!" Brian shouted after him. Jackie saw them from the kitchen and came out to see what was happening.

"What's going on?" she asked as Nick slammed the door. 

"Nick left...." was all he could say.

 

He didn't care where he ended up....Nick wanted to be as far away from the Littrells as possible. He wishe he had money to go to New Jersey, he was sure Amanda's parents would accept him the way he was. As he walked into the main part of town, it began raining in sheets. The thunder rumbled louder and Nick ducked into a store to dry off. 

"Aren't you a bit young to be in here, kid?" A voice asked suddenly, making him jump. Nick whirled around, standing at the counter was a guy staring over the rim of his sunglasses. He didn't look very old but maybe in his early twenties.

"Sorry, I was just trying to get out of the rain." Nick said sheepishly, blushing. The man went back to reading his magazine and Nick looked around.....he was in a tattoo parlor. Drawings lined the walls and countertops, books of pictures were stacked neatly on a shelf. Nick leafed through it while he waited for the rain to let up. 

"If you're thinking about ink.....we need parental signature for minors." The man said gruffly. 

"I was just looking. Did you draw these? They're really good." Nick said, pointing at some tribal tattoos.

The man smiled and chuckled, coming out from behind the counter. Now that Nick got a closer look, he was younger.....maybe 20 or 19. 

"I'm just an apprentice right now. The owner is my uncle....but one day I am gonna run this place. Name's Alex, but you can call me AJ.....and yeah, I drew some of them."

"Nice to meet you....." Nick said. He noticed AJ looking him over and suddenly felt uncomfortable. The rain was letting up and he wanted to get out before anyone asked more questions. 

"Looks like it's clearing up." 

"So where did you say you were from, kid?" AJ asked....but Nick rushed himself out without answering, leaving him curious.

 

Jackie sat in the kitchen with Brian later that night with a cup of tea, her nerves shot. Harold had been looking for Nick for a few hours, but he came home empty handed. 

"I feel horrible. What did we do to make him leave like this?" Jackie said tearfully. Brian frowned at his mother, he knew she did nothing wrong but it killed him to see her like this. When Harold came in the door, the two of them jumped up....expecting Nick to be trailing behind. 

"Nobody's seen him....it's like he just vanished into thin air. It's getting late, I can try again tomorrow...let's hope he's somewhere warm." Harold told them as he consoled Jackie. Brian hoped so as well, he also hoped Nick would change his mind and come back.

 

AJ's shift was ending for the day and he helped close up...taking out the trash was the last thing they did. He was startled to find someone sleeping on the ground near the dumpster on some discarded boxes.

"Whoa, kid. What are you doing out here?" He asked. It was the boy who came into the shop earlier that day....his blonde hair was untidy but his clothes were in good repair, why would he sleep in an alley?

"I had nowhere to go....." he said softly. He only carried two bags with him but nothing else, it seemed like he was just running away from home.

"Well, you can't sleep out here. You'll end up getting killed." AJ said. 

"What do you suggest, then?" 

AJ sighed and ended up inviting him back to the small apartment over the tattoo parlor.....well it had used to be a storage area, but AJ's uncle fixed it up.

"Thanks for letting me stay here. My name's Nick by the way." The boy smiled. AJ wasn't buying the homeless act one bit. 

"So what were you really out there for?" he asked, once Nick was settled on the couch. He had ordered them a pizza and they both ate. Nick seemed hesitant but he took the food, taking small bites.

"I'm an orphan.....I don't have anywhere to go." Nick repeated, his mouth full of cheese.

"I'm not buying that."

"Why not?" 

"For one, your clothes are too clean....someone must be taking care of you." AJ reasoned. Nick swallowed, he hadn't thought of that. 

"Okay...well, I am really an orphan, but I ran away from my foster home. I don't belong there." he replied. AJ remembered the officer that came into the shop earlier that day, just after Nick left. Littrell....

By the time their pizza had longe gone, Nick lay curled up on the couch, snoring lightly. AJ smiled at him......he hoped he'd have him back where he belonged tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

Nick slept until almost noon the next day, AJ was working downstairs.

He thought about going back, but he wanted nothing to do with the Littrells right now....and AJ was being very hospitable. He and Nick had talked about just everything while they ate.....but Nick never told him how he came to be an orphan. 

He took a shower and finally went downstairs to see AJ standing at the counter like he had been before.

"Did you sleep well? I'm sorry all I had was that old cot. I usually don't have guests over." AJ smiled. 

"It was fine. Thank you for everything." Nick said softly. He rubbed at the scar on his shoulder and sat down near the window, watching the cars pass by. AJ knew he was homesick but too proud to admit it, and it was then that he had an idea. 

"Nick, come here for a second. I got a favor to ask you." 

"What is it?" Nick asked. He turned his head sideways like a golden retriever and AJ chuckled. Nick had grown on him quite a bit, he reminded him of himself.

"I want to practice some inking but I need help....I saw you eyeing that shark over there on the wall yesterday. What do you think?" 

Nick thought about it and rubbed his arm again....he'd love to cover the scar up, not to mention the ones on his back.

"I thought you need a parent to sign for you. I'm an orphan, and I am 16. I can't ." he muttered. AJ leaned over the counter, dropping his voice to a whisper. 

"That is where the favor comes in. I do yours upstairs so nobody will know but you and me." 

"What's the catch?" Nick asked, squinting. AJ was impressed, this kid was pretty bright. 

"You're a smart one.....all right, ya caught me. All you have to do is go back where you came from. Since I'm a nice guy, I will even throw in a free lift there. What do you say?" he smirked. Nick shook his head, there was no way he'd go back, even if Mrs. Littrell made awesome cookies. 

"I don't want you to regret this. Running away never solves anything....plus, those people are worried about you. You have a good home and only two years until you can do what you want."

Nick thought about this and it seemed like a good deal. He did miss his bed and Brian. 

"Okay...deal."

The next morning when AJ brought Nick home, Nick sat in the truck looking at Brian's house for a while. He played with the hem of his shirt...wondering if they'd even let him back. 

"You won't know if you don't go inside, kid." AJ said wisely, as if he read his mind. 

"Thanks for letting me stay with you. I hope one day I can pay you back..."

"Eh, don't worry about it. Just stay out of trouble." AJ smirked. Nick got out of the truck and went into the house, smelling breakfast on the table. He could hear them all eating and talking....they sounded happy. Nick wondered if he was crazy for thinking they missed him....he turned back to head for the door again but stopped when he heard Jackie. 

"I really hope he's all right Harold. It's been almost two days...what if he's hurt?" 

"I've done all I can honey. Nobody's seen him." Harold sighed. He put his arms around her as she buried her head into his shoulder....but his mouth fell open when he saw Nick in the doorway. Nick cleared his throat and all the Littrells stared at him, all mouths gaping. 

"Nick...."

Nick stepped cautiously into the room.....expecting to get scolded.

Jackie walked towards him and just threw her arms around him, kissing his forhead and looking him over before insisting he eat. She fussed all through the meal and then made sure he was okay before he went to his room, Brian following behind. 

"Where the heck were you? What made you come back?" he asked. Nick decided not to tell them about AJ...but he just smiled. 

"A friend," he replied. 

Nick knew he didn't belong here, but at least he had someone to understand him.

 

Months passed and Nick grew into himself. He joined varsity basketball and played alongside Brian on the school team. The coach fell in love with him at once, stating Nick would be his star player that year. Only one thing was missing......Amanda. Nick missed her like crazy and they hadn't seen each other in two years, but they talked on the phone every day. 

"You sound tired...." she said one morning as Nick went to school. 

"I was up late studying for my AP Calculus test. Didn't sleep a wink."

"I got something that might wake you up..." she giggled. 

Nick turned around as someone tapped his shoulder. Here she was, as if she'd teleported through his cell phone. She looked more beautiful than ever and his heart skipped. They hugged and talked as they walked to their lockers.

"So why are you here?"

"I want to go to college down here so my parents told me to finish high school here and live with Sarah. The catch is I cannot fail any classes or they'll send me back." 

Nick guessed this would be easy enough. He definitely wanted to keep her here so he could figure out what his feelings for her were. That wouldn't be so hard....would it?


	13. Chapter 13

Amanda was overwhelmed by her classes and it was only her first day back in Oceanview. Luckily she found her classes easily. Nick was in a few but Chemistry was a new thing and she'd be on her own. Nick had French that period so she went to class alone, not expecting anything out of the ordinary.

She sat down in her Chemistry class and jumped right into an assignment with the guy at her table. He was good looking, green eyes and blonde hair spiked with hair gel. 

"Hey there. Name is Lance...." he grinned. He held out his hand for her to shake...his voice deep. Amanda could have sworn she saw those eyes before. 

"I guess we are partners." she said as she sat down next to him. They talked as they did their work and even out in the hall after class. She found out he was on the football team and liked to mess with computers in his free time. He was interesting and Amanda hung onto every word, nodding as they went. 

"I'm Amanda," she told him. He promised to see her around and then disappeared into the crowded hallway....leaving her wishing they had more time. 

Over the next few weeks they got to know each other much better. Amanda started wondering if he liked her more than just lab partners, because he seemed to flirt with her quite a bit. 

"...so Brian went for the layup and he ended up hitting Scott with the ball....pretty funny, huh?" Nick said....snapping Amanda out of her daydream. 

"Haha, really funny story, Nick." she said vacantly.

"You weren't even listening, were you?" he asked, going into his locker. 

Lance was walking over to them and Amanda just watched, she barely heard Nick say hello to him. 

"Hey, Lance." 

"Sup, Carter. Do you have the notes on the Civil War? I got a test ninth period and I forgot them at home." Lance said. He had purposely been watching to see if Amanda was interested in Nick, but it didnt seem like she was. 

"You need my notes again?" Nick asked, sounding amused. 

"Please, Nick. I was working last night and overslept this morning, I forgot mine on the desk in my room. Care to help a guy out?" Lance begged. As Amanda looked at him, she thought he looked familiar from somewhere before school. 

"Okay, but it will cost you this time."

"How much?"

"Ten. Up front." Nick said with the air of a businessman. Lance sighed and fished a crumpled bill out of his pocket as Nick handed him a copy of his notes. Lance mumbled a thank you before taking off, looking annoyed. 

"Next time, I make it twenty." Nick chuckled as he closed his locker. 

"I can't believe you charged him money. What happened to you?" Amanda asked. 

"He should stop forgrtting his notes. I'm making a profit here. Besides, payback's a bitch, isn't it?" Nick said as they walked to class. 

"Payback for what?" Amanda asked, keeping up with him.

"You don't remember? Lance used to pick on me when we were kids." he told her thoughtfully. Amanda stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, dropping her books. 

"Amanda? You okay?" he called as he helped her pick them up. Her mind was racing, Lance was the same kid who'd beaten up Nick all those times back when they were ten. She couldn't believe it. 

She also couldn't believe she was falling for him.


	14. Chapter 14

Nick didn't like where this was going one bit. Nope. 

"We had the best date, he took me for pizza and then we went for ice cream. He's changed so much, you guys." Amanda said as Nick scowled, stabbing his plate of fish sticks. He realized Amanda had stopped talking and smiled, pretending to be interested. 

"That's awesome, Amanda." Brian said, nudging Nick. 

"Yeah...."

She smiled and dug into her sandwich, it felt great to be in her first relationship, especially someone like Lance. 

Nick scowled as he jabbed the fish again, he'd lost his appetite and the bell rang, leaving him feeling hungry. This feeling of emptiness stayed with Nick for a few days, he spent most of his time moping. 

"Dude, what's with you lately?" Brian asked, when Nick spaced out at gym. Normally he was athletic, but today he had the same skill level as a garden slug. 

"Just a lot on my mind," Nick sighed....tossing the basketball and missing again. His game was definitely off. He ran a hand through his hair as he and Brian headed for the locker room. 

"You look really bummed. What's up?" 

"There's a girl I like..." Nick said, taking off his shirt and changing to another one. Brian smiled, he already knew where this was headed. 

"Amanda...." he filled in. Nick scoffed and shut his locker, sitting down. 

"Okay, then what happens? Dude....sometimes I feel so stupid for liking her because I am not her type. I'm not good enough to be with a girl like Amanda."

"You aren't stupid. It's obvious you like her, I mean....you were mutilating your lunch today. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel." Brian smiled, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. Nick smiled back, thinking. Asking her out couldn't be too hard, could it?

Amanda went to visit Lance's football practice after cheerleading was over. He looked good in his uniform and smiled when she waved at him. However, Jason the quarterback did not approve of their relationship and always hit on Amanda despite her rejections. 

"Watch this." Jason told the other players, some laughed but some didn't. Joey, Lance's best friend was one of them. The team began running a practice drill, but Jason tackled Lance to the ground hard and without warning. Lance could feel his knee crack along with a sharp pain in his back. He lay there as Coach Belza scolded the two of them. 

"I told you about screwing around during practice. You almost injured my best player, Bass." 

"Coach, Jason did it on puropse-" Joey started as he tried helping his friend up. 

"I don't want to hear it. Pick him up and take him to the nurse before he's benched the rest of the season...." 

 

Amanda heard Jason laughing after Lance got taken away, seeing him watch her. 

"You hurt him on purpose," she pointed out. 

"Oh? Prove it." 

"You're a real ass, you know that Jason?" Amanda snapped. 

"Why don't you dump him and go out with a real man? Cheerleaders always go with the quarterback." Jason said, grabbing her hand before she removed it. 

"Let me know when you see one, cause right now I don't." Amanda said as some of the guys cat called. 

"You'll regret saying that..." Jason shouted, watching her walk away. 

As it turned out Lance had sprained his back and knee. When he came back he was on crutches and Amanda helped him when she could. Nick didn't like seeing them get closer but he did notice Jason creeping on Amanda when Lance wasn't around. 

Amanda tried to avoid Jason but when he snuck up on her before cheer practice, she couldn't this time. 

"You look good in that uniform...."

"Oh, I didn't hear you slither up. I am running late." Amanda said hurriedly, but he blocked her path, smiling. 

"Ah, but we aren't done yet." he whispered. She didn't like how close he was getting. He leaned in to kiss her, but Amanda pushed him off. 

"I said no."

"Not today you didn't. Let me rock your world." he told her, putting his hand on her hip. She felt it slide under her shirt and she stomped on his foot, but he pulled her close. Amanda cried out but he didn't stop as he moved closer....

"HEY!!!" 

It happened so quickly that Amanda didn't realize what was going on. All of a sudden Jason was on the floor, and Lance stood over him wielding one of his crutches. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, limping to her. Amanda just collapsed into him, crying. 

"Hey, what's going on here?" 

Coach Belza was coming out of the teachers lounge nearby when he saw the commotion. Jason was just coming to, rubbing his head. 

"Jason attacked her, Coach." Lance said. All Amanda could do was cry....she just nodded. The coach grabbed Jason by the neck and began scolding him. 

"I told you about this....goddamn it I will not cover for you this time even if you're my son..."

 

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly. Amanda shook her head and Lance kissed her forehead, shushing her. 

"Thank you..." she whispered as she clung to his shirt. Lance had saved her and sbe never wanted to let him go....

No matter what her feelings for Nick were.


	15. Chapter 15

A few months had gone by since the incident with Jason and to Nick's disappointment, Amanda clung to Lance more than ever. The two of them were very close and Nick just left them be, retreating and just being the "supportive best friend" that Brian said they should be. 

Truthfully, Nick wanted to break them up, but he refrained as Amanda was happy. Lance didn't give Nick any reason to believe she wasn't, so Nick simply kept to himself about his feelings for her. As he looked at the poster on the locker room wall, he sighed longingly. 

"Whatcha looking at?" Brian asked, coming up behind him. 

"Prom is coming. I want to go but...."

"Ah, I see. Look. Amanda can't go with you. I'm sure we can think of something." 

Nick sighed again, he knew he'd regret saying anything. When lunch came Amanda told them Lance was buying prom tickets, leaving Nick moping for most of the period behind his Calculus book. 

"So do you have a date lined up, Brian? I'm sure you have your pick." Amanda teased. 

"I actually am helping Nicky here get himself one." Brian smiled, patting him on the back. Amanda looked surprised. 

"I didn't think you'd be interested in going," she confessed. 

"I do, but-" 

"We just gotta fix him up a little, that's all. Make him appealing." Brian said. Nick raised an eyebrow. Appealing? He knew he wasn't hideous but he didn't like where this conversation was headed. 

"Just what do you mean by that, Bri?" Amanda asked, ignoring her food. She noticed Nick looked very uncomfortable. 

"Well, for starters....his hair could use a new style, maybe update his clothes...he needs to look more confident. Girls don't like a guy who looks like he doesn't bother." Brian said. He prattled on as if Nick were a broken sofa that nobody wanted anymore. By the end of lunch he was miserable.

"When I'm done with you, you won't recognize yourself." Brian promised. As the two of them tried on clothes, discussed how to get noticed, Nick didn't seem interested. He just sat back as Brian went on about how he needed it.

"Brian, are you sure this is what Nick wants?" Amanda asked in school on Monday. 

"Of course it is. Just wait." he grinned with a small wink. Amanda was skeptical until she walked into Calculus.

"Hey,"

"Hi, Nick........"

Amanda gaped at Nick. He was wearing a white tank top covered by a blue shirt that set off his eyes with jeans. He was also wearing a much shorter hairstyle. Normally hiding his face, his blonde hair was layered and framing his face. She sat down and class started, but she smelled cologne, it was like a chemical reaction and she felt the urge to leap on him during class. After class had ended, the warmth went away, but she felt a yearning, as if Nick were a drug and she needed a fix. 

Nick was not liking the attention he was getting from his new style. He didn't feel like himself. It was like none of these girls were interested in him, just how he looked. He rejected them all, even the best looking girls in their grade. 

"That girl was hot. What's wrong with you, I mean...you just sat there...." Brian asked in surprise. 

"Brian, I don't want someone who I can't talk to. All these girls care about is appearance. I can't hold a conversation with them." Nick said. This was another reason he connected with Amanda, he found her intellectually stimulating. 

Prom was just a week away and Nick eventually just gave up on going. There was nobody he connected with the way he did with her. He went back to wearing his baggy clothes and eventually the girls stopped noticing him...to Nick, all was back to normal. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't find you a date, man." Brian apologized before lunch. Nick sighed as he saw Amanda through the cafeteria doors, he couldn't bear to hear about her plans with Lance again.

"It's okay....look, I'm not hungry. I'm going to the library to do some studying. Catch ya later."

"Nick, why can't you just come to prom without a date?" Brian asked. 

"Unless Lance breaks his leg by some bizarre coincidence, I won't be going." Nick said before taking off. Amanda and Brian ate and talked until the bell rang. When Amanda got to Chemistry, she was shocked to see Lance wearing crutches again.

"What happened to you?"

"I had a accident in soccer. Busted up my knee. Looks like I won't be doing much dancing at prom." Lance said sadly. Amanda was a bit disappointed, she didn't want to go alone. 

"I'm not mad at you, baby. Guess I will be sitting home for prom night." she sighed. 

"You don't have to miss it because of me. Why don't you go with someone else and use our tickets?" Lance offered brightly. 

"Everyone already has a date."

"Nick doesn't."

Amanda gaped at him, surprised he would suggest the very person that he despised as a child. 

"Who are you and what have you done with Lance?" she laughed. 

"I'm serious.....just ask him. He won't say no." he said with a smile. Amanda found Nick coming out of the library after class, a French book tucked under his arm. 

"Nick!" 

"Oh....hey."

"Lance can't come to prom....would you want to come instea-"

"Yes!" 

Amanda giggled at how quickly he responded and he blushed. 

"Are you sure Lance is ok with me going instead, Amanda?" Nick asked. They stopped in front of his locker, talking. Nick couldn't believe it. He was taking Amanda to the prom. 

He just hoped this was his big chance.


	16. Chapter 16

Nick came downstairs and stopped in the mirror in the hallway, fixing his tie for the umpteenth time. He smoothed his hair back and picked up the corsage on the kitchen counter, tonight was the big night. 

Prom. 

Nick had a dream the night before, where he took Amanda to prom and she confessed that she wanted to be with him, not Lance....and they danced under the stars. Part of him felt hopeful, but something told him this was a bad idea. Why would Lance want him to take Amanda? He had even gone so far as to ask Lance for formal permission. 

"Dude, it's fine. Go with her and just show her a good time." he had said. So that week was spent having secret meetings with Brian, learning how to dance. Nick was feeling pretty confident. 

To be honest, he was terrified. 

Nick pulled up to Amanda's aunt Sarah's house and checked his hair again before ringing the bell. 

"Hello, Nick." Sarah said, smiling warmly at him like she always did. He paced for a bit while Sarah called for Amanda. 

"Taking my niece to prom?" Sarah startled him as she approached. 

"Yes ma'am." 

"You better show her a good time. She deserves that...I am glad you're taking her." Sarah told him. 

"Me too." Nick smiled. He was about to say something else when Amanda had appeared at the top of the staircase. She was wearing a gown that went down to her ankles, made of a light pink material that flared out at the bottom. It twinkled in the light and Nick smiled. Amanda felt like a princess, the dress had fit like a dream, the top hugging her at the chest but not too tight. Her brown hair was pinned up with a silver clip. Nick looked handsome in his black suit and tie, his hair slicked back. 

He froze when she walked down the last step and smiled at him. Nick took her hand, her palm touching his as he helped her down. She smelled like flowers, a kind of smell that washed over him and calmed him. 

"You kids look wonderful. Let me get my camera." Sarah breathed before dashing out of the foyer. She came back and snapped a few pictures before Nick reminded her they were meeting up with Brian and his date. 

"Have fun, now." Sarah said. Nick walked Amanda out the door, grinning.

"Your carriage awaits." he told her, but Amanda almost fell over when she saw the car. 

It was hardly a carriage as Nick put it. The car looked as if a bomb had hit it.....paint chipped so much she could just barely make out it had once been red. The bumper lazily drooped to the side and Amanda had to stop herself from throwing a diva fit. 

"I know it doesn't look like much, but it runs." Nick said as he held the door open for her to get inside. 

"Are we going to make it to Brian's?" Amanda asked, half joking but half serious. 

"I'm pretty sure we will be fine," Nick said brightly. He held his promise and the car made it in one piece. 

"Hi, guys. I'd like you to meet Jessica, my date for the night." Brian said once they were in the limo. Amanda didn't like the looks of Jessica, her dress was short and tight, her breasts practically spilling out of it. Amanda kept seeing Nick's eyes wander and she nudged him.

"She makes me uncomfortable." Nick whispered. 

The ride to prom was quiet but once they arrived, Nick was in awe. It was being held in a hotel banquet hall, very elegant. The prom theme was Under The Stars and it showed through the decorations. Silver and blue cloths covered the tables, specks of glitter and crepe paper hung from the walls along with silver and gold stars. An arc of blue and silver balloons hung over the entrance. Nick took Amanda's arm and they walked inside. She felt like Rose in the dinner scene from Titanic, and Nick was her Jack Dawson, except there would be no boat sinking tonight. 

Nick and Amanda reached their table and Nick stood their dumbly until Brian cleared his throat.

"Pull out her chair," he mouthed. Nick nodded and did so, Amanda sitting down as he slid her in.

"Thank you," she smiled. Nick could feel his nerves get the best of him as he offered to get them some drinks, Brian following. 

"Nick, you're doing fine, bro. Just relax. Girls can sense fear, take it easy." he whispered. Nick poured the glass of punch and nearly spilled it, his hands shaking. 

"I just don't want to screw this up. I've never taken a girl out before."

"Well you're doing better than me. I have no idea where Jessica went." Brian said before wandering off to find her. Nick brought the drinks back to the table and sat down as they sipped them. 

"Thanks for asking me to come with you, Amanda. This is really nice." Nick said. 

"It was Lance who thought of it. I couldn't think.of anyone I'd rather be here than with than you, actually." Amanda replied, smoothing out her lap. Nick felt his ears redden, he wasn't expecting that answer. 

"Really?" 

"Sure. You're my best friend, we always have fun together..." 

Nick felt his heart deflate like a little balloon....the word sounded drawn out as he heard it roll off her tongue. 

"You're right, we do." he said softly as the music started up. They danced to the fast songs and Nick was enjoying himself. Amanda seemed to be having fun as well. 

"So what are you two doing after prom? A bunch of us have a hotel room in South Beach if you want to come." Jessica asked, smirking at them.

"Oh.....we're not..." Amanda interrupted her. Nick blushed. He knew a lot of the couples went to South Beach after prom to party, have sex and do drugs. Brian looked uneasy. 

"I am going. What about you, Nick?" he asked.

"You see....I don't think-" Nick.started.

"Haha, I forgot you're all virgins. You don't know how to have a good time yet." Jessica laughed, taking a drink of punch. Amanda led Nick back onto the dance floor and he breathed a sigh of relief...he didn't want to get into that kind of conversation.

"Thanks for rescuing me back there." Nick whispered. The DJ began playing Still The One by Shania Twain and everyone around them got close. 

"Here..." Amanda said, guiding his hands to her hips. Nick felt his heart beat faster, this was the first time he'd slow danced with someone that wasn't Brian or a broomstick. This was real. 

"You okay?" she whispered. Nick pulled her closer and nodded. 

"This....um...is my first dance actually." he confessed. Amanda was a bit surprised but she thought it was cute. No wonder he was being so nervous. 

"You dance well. Thank you for keeping me company tonight, I'm having a great time." Amanda said. They swayed and glided across the dance floor and she rested her head on his shoulder. The two of them felt something stir inside themselves..a connection. 

When Amanda looked up, she was looking right into Nick's eyes......they were so close she could see herself in them. His lips were almost touching hers but she didn't pull away. Nick kissed her and Amanda felt her heart flutter. Lance's kisses never made her feel like this, like she had butterflies. As they parted Nick felt it too, and people were staring in surprise, even Joey was watching. Nick felt humiliated. 

"Nick...." 

He was silent for the rest of the night and Amanda just wanted to talk, it was the first time he'd shown interest in her. 

"So.....should I take you home?" Nick said, jarring her out of her thoughts. They were outside of Brian's place. 

"It's still early." 

"We could go to my house and watch a movie," Nick offered. Amanda accepted, she wanted to find out what he meant by that kiss. 

Nick brought Amends to the house and lent her one of his t-shirts to wear so she wouldn't ruin her gown. 

"So what movie did you want to watch?"

"Nick..."

He wasn't listening, he began rattling off movie titles. 

"Let's see.....Twister, Titanic....uh, Dumb and Dumber, The Goonies, Alien...."

"Titanic is fine." Amanda said. Nick popped some popcorn and they settled into the movie, drinking their Cokes. Nick thought this was better than South Beach any day. As they watched, Nick realized that Amanda was like Rose in the fact she belonged to someone else. He had never really watched the movie.....but he felt like he identified with Jack. 

Except Jack had Rose. He didn't.

"Nick, we need to talk." Amanda said as the ship hit the iceberg.

"Need more popcorn?" he asked, noticing the bowl had gone empty.

"This isn't about the popcorn. You kissed me." she whisperered, rubbing at her arm.

"Yeah, I did. I'm sorry about that, it was an accident and-" he stuttered.

"No, Nick. It was a good kiss."

This wasn't what he was expecting.

"That was my....my first kiss." Nick confessed sheepishly. Amanda stared at him, feeling her heart fluttering. She felt the warmth radiating from Nick, his positive aura surrounding her. 

There was something about Nick Carter she hadn't seen before.....and by the end of the night she would find so much more.


	17. Chapter 17

Amanda opened her mouth to speak when her eyes fell upon the guitar in the corner of Nick's bedroom. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before but it stood out. 

"Is that yours?" 

Nick smiled, she had noticed it. AJ had given him the guitar as a thank you a while ago and it really helped with his songwriting. 

"Yeah, it is." he whispered before tossing a m&m in his mouth. 

"Do you play? I mean.....can you play something for me? I love the guitar." Amanda asked. Nick took out a notebook from under his bed before going to get the guitar, and she flipped through it. 

"I had no idea you wrote music." Amanda said, impressed. 

Nick brought the guitar to the bed and sat indian style, balancing it in his lap. He tuned it and thumbed through the notebook, his hands shaking a bit. 

"Okay....um, so this is the first time I've played for an actual person other than my guitar instructor." he confessed. 

"That's fine, play anything you like. Did you write all of these?" Amanda smiled. 

"Yeah, I wrote them." he said. Nick cleared his throat and began to play a soft melody, the notes floated around the room as he hummed. Amanda felt like she would melt into a puddle. The music was soothing to her and she hung onto every last note, feeling like she could just listen to him play forever. He finished and looked up expectantly, waiting for a response. 

"That was beautiful. I didn't know you could play like this." Amanda sighed. Nick beamed at her and set the guitar down, feeling very proud of himself. 

"Seriously, Nick....you are really good. I can't get over it." she continued. 

"Thank you. It's kind of a secret talent I have. I like to play, it helps me clear my head." Nick explained. Amanda was so overcome with emotions that she needed to release them and didn't know how, before she knew it, her lips were touching his again. Nick wasn't so nervous this time, he just went with it until they parted, breathing heavily. Amanda felt so safe with him, she didn't even want to scold herself for the thoughts she was currently having. 

"It's too quiet." Nick said, breaking the awkward silence between them. All he could hear was the movie, listening to Jack tell Rose he knew he had nothing to give her, yet loved her anyway. 

"You've had a lot of firsts tonight, haven't you?" Amanda said suddenly. Nick sat there, staring. She was right....his first dance, his first kiss..

"I suppose," he breathed. He felt his heart beating faster as she moved closer.

"I really like you, Nick."

"I like you too." Nick replied flatly. What was this, some kind of crazy dream? Nick knew that never in a million years would Amanda fall for him so quickly. 

"I want you to help me with a first of my own." she whispered, her breath hot on his neck. 

"Like w-what?"

"Take me, Nick. I want you to have me. All of me." Amanda said. Nick felt himself begin to sweat. He felt queasy, how was he going to know what to do when he'd never even got past first base? He was afraid he would hurt her. 

Laughable, but true. Nick knew nothing about...sex. Even just the word sounded awkward and unfamiliar. 

"I don't....I mean...I'm a.." he said quietly. 

"I'm a virgin too, Nick. Gotta learn sometime. I trust you." she told him. Nick worried what Lance would say if he found out he slept with his girl. 

"Wouldn't you rather do this with Lance? He's your boyfriend. What if he finds out?" Nick asked. Amanda knew where he wad coming from, she was afraid too. However, she just didn't feel comfortable sharing this with Lance. Nick was someone she cared deeply for, and she felt ready. 

"I just think this is something we need to experience together, but if you aren't comfortable, I don't want to force you." she said, putting her hand on his. Both of them were trembling. They sat in silence, watching.the movie until Nick cleared his throat. 

"I...I'm.....I'm ready. If you promise things won't get weird between you and me." Nick said. Amanda was really surprised, she didn't expect him to agree. 

"We need protection." Nick added a moment later. If he was going to have sex, he wanted to make sure he did things the right way. He left the room and to Amanda's surprise, returned with condoms. 

"Nick, where did you get those?"

"Uh, my roommate downstairs. He had extra."

Amanda raised an eyebrow, wondering what kind of person lived with him as he struggled to get the condom package open. He vavuely remembered this from health class, but managed fine. Amanda lay back, wearing nothing but her panties as Nick hovered over her. He leaned in and kissed her, starting with her face before moving lower. Things seemed to flow naturally, Amanda returning kisses. She exclaimed when he entered her, but after that it was all roses, the two of them finding a rhythm. 

He was nervous the whole time, and so was she....but they didn't tire. The two of them lay together, his head resting on her chest as their hearts winded down. 

"You okay?" Nick whispered. The movie had long since ended, the title screen showing on the TV set. 

"Absolutely." Amanda sighed. Everything felt so perfect. Laying in Nick's arms without a care in the world was the best feeling ever. They fell asleep like that, their bodies entwined in a mess of sheets. 

Nick knew that night he didn't just have a crush.on Amanda.....he was in love with his best friend. 

 

The next morning Amanda woke up was Saturday. Nick had told her to help herself to the fridge, so when she went for some orange juice, she didn't expect to run into anyone. She threw one of Nick's shirts on and walked downstairs to the kitchen. 

"Hello there." 

Amanda almost dropped the juice when she heard the voice. Here she was wearing nothing but a T-shirt in Nick's kitchen, what was she going to do?


	18. Chapter 18

"Well hello there."

Amanda was slightly taken back by the man sitting in Nick's kitchen. He had tattoos and a pierced eyebrow, black nail polish. He was nothing like Nick at all, and here she was standing in nothing but Nick's t-shirt. 

"Hi....." Amanda said nervously, walking to the cabinet to get a glass for her juice. 

"You must be Amanda. Am I right?" he said, lowering his sunglasses to look at her. She blushed. 

"Good guess." she shrugged.

"I've heard a lot about you from Nick.....he talks about you all the time. You two datin'?"

Amanda felt angry that this strange looking guy was inquiring about her relationship status. She whirled around and he was no longer at the table, he was at the kitchen sink. 

"The name is Alex, but I like to be called AJ....or Jay for short." he said, holding out his hand. 

She didn't shake it. 

"I don't bite you know. Not unless you want me to." he smirked. Amanda wasn't sure how she should react, she opened her mouth as Nick shuffled into the room, his hair sticking up at all angles. 

"Morning, Princess." AJ said. Nick grunted, his eyes still droopy. Amanda giggled, sipping her juice. 

"Comffee?" Nick mumbled. 

"Already made, champ." 

It was interesting to watch Nick make his coffee half asleep, he poured it and added milk and sugar, stopping to scratch his chest. Amanda looked with her head tilted slightly. 

"Here we observe the Carter in his native environment....watch carefully, boys and girls. Don't get too close. The Carter can be quite tempermental." AJ said, doing his best Steve Irwin impression. 

"Fuck off, Jay." Nick muttered, raising his middle finger. 

"Crikey."

Amanda laughed and they all sat at the table together. 

"Are we human now?" she asked after Nick finished his coffee. 

"Thanks for the commentary, Steve." Nick said, rolling his eyes at AJ. 

"You love it." 

"I can bring you back to Sarah's if you like after breakfast." Nick added. 

"That's fine. So this is your roommate?" Amanda asked, watching AJ clean up his food. Nick set his second cup down and smiled, flattening his unruly hair. 

"Yeah, this is AJ. He's....uh.....well, unique." he explained. As he looked at her his mind went back to last night. What were the two of them now? Were they together? So many questions left unanswered. 

"He's.....definitely something." Amanda said, looking at AJ. 

"You kids behave yourselves now. I am off to work." he teased, picking up his car keys. 

"Nice meeting you, Jay." 

"Likewise." AJ said with a smirk. Amanda heard him leave and Nick started making breakfast. 

Nick dropped Amanda off afterwards and spent the day thinking. He wondered what everything meant, his heart was lost. He was so lost he didn't hear AJ come home that afternoon.....he sat on the beach out back, throwing stones into the water. 

"Hey, kid. What's eating you?" 

"Shit, Jay. Don't scare me like that!" Nick said after he jumped in surprise. 

"You wanna talk about it?" AJ asked. 

The two of them sat down, looking at the waves. Nick liked being out here more than anything, listening to the ocean. 

"How do you know when you're in love?" he whispered. AJ leaned back, rubbing at his chin. 

"Can't say I have ever been in love. I would imagine it's something you just feel, like you're complete. Without the other person you feel empty." he replied. Nick nodded....thinking again. He thought back to when Amanda had left for New Jersey, he had certainly felt empty then..he felt empty now. He felt safe with her near him.

"If you're in love with someone, should you tell them?" Nick asked as the two of them headed into the house. 

"Of course you should tell her. It's Amanda, isn't it?" AJ laughed as Nick blushed a little.

"I am just afraid she won't love me back." he said. 

"Just tell her, what is the worst that could happen? Always be honest with how you feel." 

"Can I be honest with you, AJ?" Nick asked. 

"Sure." 

"Your Steve Irwin impression this morning sucked." 

 

Nick spent Sunday after work getting together the perfect way to tell Amanda how he felt. He wrote a note and stuck it in her locker with a flower, not signing his name. He had planned to have her meet him by the willow tree where they met, to confess everything. 

"What's Carter doing by Amanda's locker?" Lance asked from down the hall, watching. 

"Looks like he put a flower in there." Joey said. The two of them opened it and Lance took out the note. His expression turned sour and he punched the locker, crinkling the paper. 

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" he demanded. 

"Well, he did kiss her at prom......." Joey said meekly. 

"HE WHAT?" Lance practically shouted.

"Looks like he wants to steal her from you bro."

"I don't think so. Watch this."

Lance wrote his own note signing his name and threw Nick's in the garbage. He closed the locker, snickering. 

"Two can play at that game. If he thinks he's getting her, he has another thing coming. Nobody messes with MY girl."

Nick stood under the willow tree, nervously playing with his shirt. He had his guitar waiting nearby, propped against the tree trunk. He'd carved a heart into the trunk, and his plan was all laid out....all he had to do was wait. 

"You spoil me, you know that?"

Nick heard Amanda and Lance nearby, she was on her aunt's porch across the street. 

"I take that you got my note then." he smirked. 

"Of course. You're so sweet," she said, kissing him. They parted and Lance looked in his direction, winking. Nick ducked behind the tree, his heart beating fast. 

Nick felt like he'd been dunked into cold water. There was no way he could tell her now...not now, not ever. 

Amanda would never love him back.

He picked up the guitar and ran.


	19. 19

"Where's Nick? I haven't seen him in class at all today." 

"I haven't seen him either...maybe he is out sick? The guidance counselor was looking for him....did you know he is valedictorian this year?" Brian said. Amanda was impressed but worried about Nick....they hadn't really talked properly since prom. She made a note to herself to go to his house after school. 

"What are you doing home, playing hooky?" AJ asked when he saw Nick at the kitchen table slumped over next to his bowl of ice cream. The ice cream had become soup long ago and Nick just moved the spoon, sighing without eating it. 

"Is losing your virginity important?" he asked suddenly. AJ took a seat and sipped at his coffee mug. 

"Deep thoughts for noon. It's more important for girls, but....yeah, I suppose it is." 

"I think maybe I made a mistake giving mine to Amanda." Nick sighed dully, pushing the bowl away. 

"Why would you say that? I thought she was your girlfriend?" 

Nick shook his head, feeling worse. He felt sick to his stomach knowing Lance had intercepted his big chance to tell Amanda how he felt. Lance wasn't as nice as he had been letting on. 

"No....she is dating this guy at school. He's a football player, plays soccer too. Athletic, but he's smart. He's good looking too. I think I'm in love with her, but she loves him." Nick replied. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he could never compete with Lance. Amanda would never be his. 

"So why did you go to prom with her if she's got this boyfriend?" AJ asked. He wanted to help Nick if he could. 

"Lance broke his leg and couldn't go so she asked me to go instead. I dunno, Jay. I just feel like I won't ever match up to him. All I have is my brains. There's nothing special about me."

"There is nothing wrong with being a smart guy. You have plenty of things going for you, what about that music thing?" AJ said, but Nick shook his head again. 

"It's just a hobby. Amanda liked it but that alone won't help. Thanks anyways, AJ. I'm gonna head to work." he replied glumly before leaving the house. AJ didn't like to see Nick upset or putting himself down, so when Amanda came by that afternoon...he smiled. This was his chance to set things right. 

"Hi, AJ. Is Nick home? I didn't see his car." she said brightly. 

"No, he went to work earlier."

Amanda raised an eyebrow, Nick hadn't told her he had a job. She nodded and went to go home before AJ moved in front of her. 

"Why don't you come in? We haven't really gotten to know each other yet." he said casually. Amanda wasn't comfortable with him now that Nick wasn't home, but figured it couldn't hurt to talk for a while. They went in the house and AJ got them both drinks, a can of Coke each. 

"Since when does Nick have a job?" Amanda asked, finding it hard to picture him working. Nick was not a lazy person, she just thought he'd be concentrating on school. 

"He's been working at the video game store for a while now. Speaking of Nick, how long have you known each other?"

"About eight years. How about you?" she replied. AJ was not going to.dominate this conversation, she had some questions of her own. 

"Not long, maybe two years. So let me ask you something....do you love Nick?"

Amanda stood up, feeling appalled. 

"Excuse me? I just met you, who do you think you are asking me something like that?" she hissed. AJ smiled, he knew he had hit a nerve. 

"Why are you so defensive? Just answer the question. Do you?"

Amanda paused, she hadn't thought about it since prom....what her feelings towards Nick were. Why had she chosen him over Lance? Her brown eyes wandered, her heart searching.

"I.....I don't know." she said, looking at the table. 

"Why did you take him to prom? I thought you guys were dating." AJ asked, setting down his empty soda can. 

"My boyfriend broke his leg and couldn't go."

"Look, I am not trying to butt in your personal life....we just met. I am just looking out for Nick, he's like a little brother to me. You and him really need to talk and figure out what your feelings are, because if you don't....you'll always regret not doing it. You're both good people." AJ said wisely. Amanda looked at him in surprise. He looked so rough but she saw that he had a good heart and was just being a friend. She had no reason to fear him. 

"You know what, you're right. I actually have been meaning to talk to Nick. I just don't know where to begin." she said. 

"Just be honest. By the way.....I know about the condoms and I put two and two together. If you chose him over this guy you're seeing.....that right there says a lot." AJ told her. Amanda left the house, thinking about everything. She had feelings for Lance that were certain and Nick was just a big mystery. She liked to feel comfortable.....liked to be sure about what was going on. 

Amanda decided to come back the next day and have a heart to heart with Nick.

 

Maybe things would become clear then.


	20. Chapter 20

The next afternoon, Amanda walked to Nick and AJ's place, eager to see what would happen. Could they stay friends or was this the end of them? She hoped the latter part was a false statement. 

As she rounded Oceanview Drive, she caught a soft melody....it sounded like a guitar. A voice was singing and Amanda just followed it, letting her ears guide her along. she closed her eyes and felt warm....a safe feeling enveloped her. 

"Who needs the world when I have you.....switch off the sun, the stars and the moon..."

She realized then that she had heard the tune before, just not anyone singing along. Amanda opened her eyes to see Nick sitting on his porch, strumming and singing with a soothing voice. She was stunned, he'd never told her about this talent before. He suddenly stopped playing and looked up, blushing before running into the house, the door slamming behind him as Amanda giggled. 

Nick felt humiliated. 

"Stupid, stupid.....stupid. You just had to be out front today, didn't you?" he scolded himself. He heard the doorbell but slipped out back, hopefully she'd give up and go home. He wasn't ready to talk to her yet, wasn't ready for anyone with all he had on his mind. 

"I'm not home!" he yelled to nobody in particular as he went outside. 

Amanda shook her head, wondering why he was playing this hiding game right now. She figured he was now out back, so she walked around the corner of the house. He was sitting on the deck, strumming the guitar again. 

"Nick...." she called softly. He looked up, feeling ashamed and guilty. 

"Hey." he said finally, rubbing the back of his head, the guitat slung around his neck. 

"That was you singing?" Amanda asked, getting right to the point as he blushed. 

"Sorry you had to hear that horrible racket. It won't happen again," he said, Amanda not sure whether he was being serious or not. 

"That was really you?"

"Yeah, why?" Nick asked.

"It was beautiful. I thought it was the radio...." Amanda told him quietly. Nick tried to hold back the grin on his face as they sat down on the steps leading to the beach.

"It was the song I played to you after prom." 

"The one you wrote....right? Listen....about that night..." Amanda said as Nick strummed, humming.

"Amanda, you don't have to give me the speech you planned in your head. I know you love Lance. I know sleeping with me was nothing...." he snapped without intending to.

"That isn't what I was going to say." she whispered.

"Sorry. I guess I've just been thinking about a lot of things lately. I didn't mean to snap like that."

"Nick, I care for you a lot. You're my best friend and I do not want to hurt you. I asked you to be my first because I knew I wouldn't regret the decision."

Nick nodded, the words best friend seeming to choke him. 

"Well, do you now?" he blurted. 

"No, I am glad I did. I trust you and you trust me....right? How about you?" she asked, her hand on his. The truth was, deep down......Nick did regret it. He regretted being so open with her because his heart had gotten broken, and he was afraid....so afraid that if he and Amanda dated he'd lose his friendship with her. That was far more important than his virginity.

"No. I just have so much on my mind with graduation coming. I don't know what I am going to do after school is over. I have no future." Nick lied. He had a stack of acceptance letters on the kitchen counter put neatly into a pile....letters that he was afraid to decide on.

"You're so smart, Nick. You could do anything you want. What do you mean you have no future?" Amanda chuckled. Nick disappeared into the house, bringing the letters with him when he returned.

"Wow....this is amazing...." 

Amanda leafed through them, her eyes wide. Letters from Princeton.....MIT....Yale, so many orher big name colleges. 

"Yeah, the guidance counselor said I should apply to a bunch of different ones and explore options." Nick told her with a smile. 

"What does this one say? It's in French." 

"We are pleased to extend you a invitation to study abroad here in Paris...." Nick read, before putting the letter down. He knew all of these presented fine opportunities, but none of them felt like they were right for him.

"Nick, you can go anywhere you'd like. Have you accepted any yet?" she asked. 

"No...I don't feel like college is what I am meant to do. Like something else is out there for me. I don't want to be a lawyer, or a translator....a mathematician or a basketball player....but I just dony have anything else."

Amanda nodded, then it hit her. Nick was given the gift of music. 

"Why don't you just not do any of those if you aren't comfortable? I am staying in Florida and going to the University of South Florida to study business. I am doing what feels right for me. You should do something with that music of yours." she suggested. 

"Music? I dunno. Do you think I look like a musician?" Nick asked, looking out at the water. He felt like the school's genius student, not a rockstar. 

"If Brian of all people can be a cop.....you can sure as hell be a singer."


	21. Chapter 21

Nick was nervous as hell. 

He hadn't planned on being the school valedictorian, but his grades proved otherwise. He was the top of the class and the brightest Oceanview High had to offer the world. Nick was working on his speech...practicing in front of a mirror as AJ watched. 

"My fellow students...." 

Nick froze up thinking of all the people who would be at the ceremony. 

"That's too corny, I sound like the President adressing the nation the with that line." he said, taking the paper to the desk nearby and erasing.

"Nick, you're thinking too hard about this. Relax. Just imagine everyone naked." 

"I really don't want to picture my teachers...especially Miss Johanssen naked." Nick said, thinking of his History teacher who weighed probably 400 pounds and shuddering as AJ laughed. 

"Think of Amanda naked." 

Nick didn't answer that time. 

"Not even a chuckle? Tough crowd."

Nick rolled his eyes, the last thing he wanted to do was think of her now, with her going away to college.

"I know it still hurts, but she's your best friend. Sex always complicates shit, that was where you went wrong." Nick looked at him, raising an eyebrow. 

"Sorry, that wasn't much of a pep talk. I suck at this kind of stuff." AJ apologized. 

Nick ignored him and continued to adjust his speech. He just hoped he'd get through it without puking. 

The day of graduation was nerve wracking. Nick had spent most of the night getting the speech ready, although every time he thought about crowds he wanted to throw up.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey." 

Nick feigned coughing from under the covers when AJ came in the room. 

"I don't think so, kid. Up and at 'em."

Nick sighed and reluctantly went downstairs two steps at a time for breakfast. His mind was going a million places. From the speech to messing up the speech....to his parents. AJ was coming to the ceremony that evening, but to Nick it wouldn't be the same. He thought about his father most of the day, cleaning out his school locker for the last time...coming across the picture of him.

"Your dad would be proud of ya." Brian offered, patting him on the back. The final bell rang and Nick closed the locker, looking back one last time. The halls seemed emptier to him...Nick not wanting to leave yet. School had been his haven for so long and he was about to say goodbye forever.....to step into adulthood. 

Nick was not ready.

Amanda was heartbroken when Sarah told her her parents weren't able to come to graduation....to see their daughter's big moment. She sighed and she saw Nick reflect her expression, remembering how similar they were.

"My parents couldn't be here either, Nick." she said, rubbing his back. Nick squirmed and moved away when he saw Lance coming towards them. Amanda frowned, her eyes looked sad as they looked into Nick's.

"I just wonder what my dad would have thought about me basically throwing everything away to sing." he said, sighing.

"You're not throwing anything away. You have everything you need in front of you." Amanda said, hoping he'd catch the hint. 

Nick was about to speak when Lance came over and whisked his girlfriend off, away from him. He stood alone until he saw the Littrells.

"Nickolas...." Jackie smiled, and Nick half grinned, standing awkwardly as she hugged him. 

"Hello, son." Harold nodded. Brian's mother wrapped her arms around her own son, as Nick watched. 

"My baby is graduating....and Nick too. What a joyous occasion." Mrs. Littrell exclaimed. Nick felt a bitter taste in his mouth, remembering when he denounced his foster care on his 18th birthday. 

"So what are you doing after college, Nick? Did you decide on Harvard like we talked about?" Mr. Littrell said, beaming. 

"Don't be silly, Harold dear. He wanted to go to the University of South Florida." Jackie said. 

"Wait a minute, I never-" Nick started. 

"Harold, he is too kind hearted to be a sleazy lawyer. I keep telling you-" 

"Honey, Harvard is good for someone as smart as him, not all lawyers are sleazy. Now if you'd listen to me-"

Amanda's aunt Sarah had by now joined the debate, saying Nick would be going to school with Amanda.

"But I want to sing..." Nick said meekly.

"Don't be silly, young man. That's hardly a sensible career." Mr. Littrell said, and the argument continued.

By now Nick wanted nothing more than to crawl under the nearest rock and die there. 

"HEY! OLD PEOPLE!" AJ yelled suddenly, and everybody stopped to look at him. 

"I beg your pardon?" Mrs. Littrell said. 

"Nick is 18. I think he can decide for himself what he wants to do." AJ stated. Nick felt like hugging him. 

"You're the guy who runs the tattoo shop downtown, aren't you?" Mr. Litrell noticed. AJ nodded, his eyebrow ring catching the light. 

"Not running, I just work there sir. But yes." 

"He's right, I can decide for myself....I am doing just fine without your help, Mrs. Littrell." Nick said coldly. Brian's mother looked very sad, and Brian's father nodded. 

"Now, Nick...." Sarah began, but Nick brushed past them, Mrs. Littrell bursting into tears.

Moments later, Nick stood at the podium....looking down at everyone. He blinked at them their eyes fixed on him. Nick had rehearsed the speech time and time again, hoping he would be able to give it to his classmates. Doing the speech meant more than marking their graduation....no. For him it was practice. If he was to be a musician, he needed to overcome this fear. He took an uneasy step in front of the microphone and coughed, clearing his throat. 

He froze. 

"Come on, Nick." Amanda whispered from her seat. He fumbled with the index cards and people were whispering. 

"I sat for hours trying to come up with something to say to the class. I thought of quotes...anything to inspire you all. However...I got nothing." Nick said shakily, cracking a smile as people laughed. He caught Amanda's eye and continued. 

"For the last few weeks, I sat thinking....thinking about what I'd do with my life. Where I'd end up...who I would become. I was just as scared about my future as anyone else. But then I realized....that no matter who or what I become, I will always have the people who matter supoorting me. That is all I can offer any of you. No sage advice, no inspirational quotes....but reassurance that you are in control of your own future. So make the most of it, because if you don't, what you want most could pass right on by."

Nick looked at Amanda as he spoke the last few words of his speech, everyone clapping. The principal came up and shook Nick's hand, Nick sitting back in his seat.

"I now present the graduating class of Oceanview High School. All rise." he said. The students moved their tassels, signifying the end of high school. Everyone threw their caps into the air....Nick staring off at his fellow classmates. Amanda was kissing Lance, his arms wrapped around her....Nick feeling that familiar lump in his throat.

 

He knew his time to shine was coming.....he just didn't know when.


	22. Chapter 22

He had done it.....and now it was all over. 

 

He had graduated high school and now Nick felt like the first part of his life had ended, he was ready to start anew. He spent the first part of the summer hanging out with Amanda and Brian, spending as much time as he could when he wasn't working. That is....for about a month anyway. Things started to get busy at the video game store where he worked, and he had just been promoted to Manager shortly after graduation. Nick knew this job was beneath him....but the increase in pay really helped him out while he was trying to record the demo. Amanda, Brian and AJ had all chipped in some money to help their friend pay for studio time.....which was not cheap. Barely making the bills between his own pay and AJ's salary from the tattoo shop, Nick was stressed by the time July rolled around. He would spend eight to ten hours working at the video game store, enduring what his boss called "good natured ribbing" even though he knew it was mocking. The game store boss was taking advantage and everyone saw it....especally AJ. 

 

"Nick, I don't know why you put up with that creep. He is an asshole for making you work all these hours. Is that even legal? You've worked open to close a few days in a row now." 

Deep down, although he denied it to himself, Nick knew AJ was right. However his dream kept him going. He needed that money so he could put himself out there. 

In August, Amanda went to her college campus....and Brian went to the Police Academy. Nick worked himself raw. 

 

"You did good today kid....but you really need to rest. You got some fierce bags under your eyes." Dex, the guy who ran the studio pointed out. 

"Thanks, it's just been a rough summer. Hopefully things pick up soon...thanks for the help and mailing my demo to the right places." Nick said before getting into his car. As he started the sputtering engine of his run down car, Nick sat and thought about all the places his demo CD was going. 

Virgin Records.....Jive...Volcano....Columbia....RCA.... 

NIck prayed every night before bed that his big break would come....that he wouldnt let any of his friends down. He still wondered if his father would support this decision, support his only son giving up so many opportunities to be just a musician. A musician that had no guarantee to survive in the industry, when things were so competitive. 

"You'll be great, just wait and see." Amanda had told him before she left to go to college a few hours away. She was the one who had the most faith, when Nick felt like giving up at times. The demo was now sent out and all he had to do was wait. Wait for an answer, a sign to tell him if he was meant to do this. 

Watching and waiting, just like he was doing with Amanda. She and Lance were dating but by the sound of things during the summer they had lost touch, due to him going to a different school. Lance was studying to fix computers and design programs, he was very good at it. Nick called Amanda every night, the two of them would tell each other how their day was going and give each other advice. Amanda sounded sad, like she was disappointed and it killed Nick to hear it. He wished it had worked out between them, he just wanted her to be happy. 

"We are just in a rough patch, Nick. I think things will pick up. Don't worry about me." she would tell him. Nick felt bad, he felt guilty that she was ignoring her own needs for Lance's or his. This was not how a relationship should be. 

 

Nick swore to himself he'd make her see that, make her see he was good for her. 

He swore to the world he'd be good enough for them all. Despite what his mother told him, he was ready for big things. 

The question was, could he do it on his own?

 

To Be Continued in....."Not The Other Guy"


End file.
